Thursday, December 06, 2012
Really none of my blogs have been very uplifting, lol. Haven't worked on myself like I wanted to and I take all the blame for that. I think secretly I just didn't want to, so I didn't.
I believe all of this stems from stress and my coping mechanism is binging. Yeah, great coping mechanism! Just make myself fatter and it will all get better, NOT!
My home life is not what I want it to be, I don't get along with my step-children, especially the middle one. This is not from lack of trying on my part, but because I expect them to clean up after themselves (the oldest are 15 and 13) it is a constant struggle. I am away from home about 12 1/2 hours a day and I come home to a mess every single day. Not one person tries to help me, I don't get it, I would never have done this to my parents! The 13 year old cussed me out yesterday just because I asked her to wash the dishes for me, needless to say she is minus all electronics for the next few days. I am not proud of the fact that I hit her on the arm, not very hard mind you, but I let my anger get the best of me and that is never ok. She is the biggest problem in our house, really she needs to go get some professional help. I do have my husband working on that for her, I just don't know what else to do with her.
Aside from all of this I also have a 10 month old and again I work 6 days a week.
I already talked to my husband about starting to go to the gym later in the evening, it is literally like 5 minutes from my house. He told me he would watch the baby while I do that, now I just need to start going and also start trying to get myself to stop binging and start directing my emotions towards working out. I believe that once I start working out, then my mind-set will be much clearer and I will be able to deal with things at home on a more positive note.
Last time I lost 50 pounds, that was about 2 years ago and I was really focused, but I didn't have a family to contend with, so I just need to think of this as a much bigger challenge. I know I can do this, I need to for myself and my family!