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See Who I Really Am - The Silhouette of Me

Thursday, December 06, 2012

I went out to dinner with family last night to celebrate my youngest sister Gale's 50th birthday. Yes, YOUNGEST sister. My middle sister turns 51 next week. They are less than a year apart. I'm 52. We are all very close in age, aren't we? There was quite a crowd of us with our grown children and little grandchildren, my dad, and Gale's sister-in-law and her family. Someone thought it was quite humorous to gift my sis with a cane. Her sister-in-law's daughter, a young teenager, said quite innocently, "Aunt Gale, that's kind of a mean present, isn't it? After all, you won't need it for a couple of years until your like...55?" Of course this caused roars of laughter from most of the group. Me? I couldn't laugh. I didn't say anything, but I wanted to scream and shout and rip my clothes. Overreaction? Maybe, but it did make me yearn to stand on the table and yell at anyone and everyone within 100 miles that 50 doesn't have to be an age of decline any more than 30 does.

I see the difference in how I am treated now that there are some wrinkles in my face. I see the difference in the way I am interacted with because of my heavy body. I see the deference people, even my own husband, give me because of my body's decline due to my diseases and disorders. I don't want respect and reverence because of my inabilities, dammit! I want respect and reverence because of my ABILITIES, because of my not allowing the physical to dominate the spirit and drive. I need people to see beyond the short, round, somewhat crippled body to the true me, the ME who REALLY exists inside this shell I'm given to walk around in.

If my shadow were able to cast a silhouette reflective of the MaryJane I really am, it would look so difference from what the eye sees. To those whose eyes see 50 as old, as getting into the declining years, and see any infirmity as a sign of weakness I would teach them that the heart still races at the caress of a lover, the mind still yearns for knowledge, the spirit still soars at the thought of adventure, and the soul still sings with joy. I slay dragons daily. I battle daily not to give in to pain. I'm more fierce than I was in my 20s, smarter than I was in my 30s, and more determined than I was in my 40s.

Don't look at fat on the outside and see nothing beyond that. Don't look at a limp or a cane and perceive frailty. Give reverence to all - not because of anything you see with your eyes, not because of age or disability, but because nearly every outer shell holds a treasure inside of unimaginable wealth.

If you could walk around for one day as the silhouette of your true self, what would people REALLY see? That thought, and last night's events, inspired today's short poem:

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm 66 and couldn't care less about age. You are gorgeous-
    don't let anyone tell you otherwise. emoticon emoticon
    1903 days ago
    When I was a bit younger than I am now and my Mom was still alive, she said that sometimes she looked in the mirror and was surprised at the person she saw looking back at her, because that person looked so much older than she felt. I now know how she feels--and I really don't know when that happened. However, as I get my body stronger with exercise and lose (oh so slowly) a few pounds, I sometimes see a glimmer of the person I remember. And when I look in my husband's eyes, I often see that person--that's why I love him so much.

    I really know how you feel--and I think you are looking great!
    1904 days ago
    1905 days ago
    We have so many prejudices in our society that are just not talked about, including age-related (both for young people and older people) and fat stigma. It's not right at all! I think it's one of those things that we can't really understand until we experience it. I never had any idea what sort of prejudice people went through when they were obese until I went through it myself, and I really can't understand age-ism for older ages because I'm only in my mid-30s. I'm sure I'll understand it better one day. And I'm sure it'll annoy the heck out of me too, haha.

    One of the best things about online society - facebook, spark, etc - is that we are free to put our true selves out there, and our bodies no longer count for much. Things like age, gender, size, race, nationality, etc are lost in an internet world, and I like that. :)
    1905 days ago
  • BRANDIM_81
    Go you! I loved the pic and the poem! I want to be the sihouette! emoticon
    1905 days ago
    I'm in my late 50s and I've finally come to terms with knowing that :
    It's my opinion that counts
    that being at peace with yourself gives you true happiness
    that health is worth more than wealth
    that letting go can show more strength than standing firm
    that comfortable shoes are worth a lot more to me than stylish heels
    And that the only real contest is the one against yourself.

    live long and prosper
    1905 days ago
  • LYNSEY723
    What a wonderful blog! You are fierce, you are your silhouette!
    1905 days ago
    emoticon Spark hugs.
    Go you emoticon
    1905 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Thank you. I feel exactly the same way. Your sister is much more gallant than I am. I would have refused the gift. Without a smile on my face.
    1905 days ago
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