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    JAVA286   521
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On Day 7 AF and Going Strong!

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Today will be day 7 without alcohol and I am feeling amazing! A few times, I thought I was craving beer but as soon as I realized I was just craving something fizzy, I drank Club Soda with fruit mixed in and the craving disappeared! Every time I think of wanting alcohol, I simply ask myself "Why?" and it snaps me right back to not wanting it. That process takes about half of one second. I feel so..free. I don't have to schedule my social life around hangovers, which was a pretty big burden before. No more working with a hang over, no more starting stupid drunk fights with my sober boyfriend, no more losing control of my emotions, no more being stranded at bars unable to drive, this is awesome! Plus, wow is it cheaper! I don't feel like I lost something when I quit, I feel like I gained a whole lot of stuff!

I'm also happy to report that I am not replacing alcohol with food (I read a lot of people had trouble with this). Quite the contrary! I have been a lot more careful with dinner because I am clear headed enough to concentrate. Last night we had turkey meatloaf with a bunch of veggies! I am trying to not get too excited..but I am down 3 pounds!! I know I know, it's probably just where I was retaining water. But still, my weight only fluctuates by a pound, even when I had food poisoning, so I am feeling happy even if I shouldn't! I am short by the way, I think that is why it doesn't fluctuate more. I am not going to record the new weight until tomorrow though because I have a rule that the weight has to be consistent for three days straight before it counts. I know I should only weigh myself once a week, save the lecture lol!

There haven't been any bad withdraw symptoms. They have all been extremely mild. I've had a very dull headache and slight nausea. My only downfall is all the anxiety disorder symptoms that I was self medicating are back. I have depersonalization really bad and alcohol prevented those episodes. I need to fix the problem though, not the symptom so I have been looking into it. Also, I have to work harder in situations that would trigger panic attacks. It is something I knew I would always have to deal with the panic disorder and getting drunk all the time isn't the best way. If 12 year old me can do it sober, 26 year old me can do it sober!

Good side effects, did you notice my "blissful high" from my last blog? That was awesome! That has passed, and I am glad because I am sure I was annoying because I was bouncing off the walls! It felt way better than drunk, I will tell you that much! Now I feel...peaceful :D. I have only had one person give me the "I know it seems easy now but don't be too hard on yourself when you cave in again". This coming from an alcoholic. Everyone else has been very positive, and that is the feedback I appreciate. I am a little worried about this Negative Nancy. He is my boss and has some...shall we say..power issues? I could hear a little panic in his voice when I told him I decided to quit. I think if I go a month without a drink, it will bother him because he is unable to do it and he will start being hard on me at work. That's just how he is though and I have to keep in mind that he is projecting.

There is a party in a week. I wanted to go and see if I could have fun sober. However, there will be a person that hurt me pretty bad and I'd rather not have to deal with her and the stress that comes along with her. I know I can handle bars no problem but I am curious to see how I feel around a bunch of drunk friends. Maybe next time!

Last but not least- Zombie Run training is going great! I think it is easier to run in the winter! We have made some serious progress these past 2 weeks! I do have some concerns about shin splits but I don't have health insurance :/. Is it bad if it hurts up the front of my leg? It doesn't feel like a muscle pain so I am getting a bit worried!
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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 12/7/2012 10:08AM

    You need to post the comments on the SP friends page for them to see it : )

Which book are you referring to - I think I have it and may need to re-read it as I'm finding that my home life requires my full and sober attention.

It sounds like you're doing emoticon emoticon

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JAVA286 12/6/2012 1:48PM

    Sorry I am not clear on this but am I suppose to reply to comments here or on the pages? Im going to do both, hopes that's OK! I really appreciate the positive feedback from everyone! It feels so good to gave a support system with people who understand :D


SCHNEBL, the book is amazing, I don't think I could have done this the will power way. It just makes everything seem so clear..makes you look at alcohol different. Like I said, the first half seems discouraging, like it won't work, but by the time you finish the book, everything just clicks! Good advice on my boss, I probably won't discuss it with him. Sometimes we drink during our meetings but I don't have one coming up so hopefully I can avoid the topic!


GREEN-EYED-LADY, thanks! I was worried about date night too but I still had a blast at the bar playing pool, and I drank water! But my date didn't drink so I can imagine that would be tough if he did. I just remember ..hey I use to have fun before I took my first drink, I am still capable!
Also, I calculated my alcohol calories, I was drinking a pound worth a week :/. Every week. I gained weight FAST. It doesnt help that I was drinking regular beer instead of lite. You are on the right path ..you have to realize that you dont get anything out of drinking. If you really really look at it...at the core of alcohol, you get absolutely nothing out of it. That book made it all very clear to me and the desire is completely gone.

Depersonalization is where I don't feel..alive? Connected to the universe? It's really hard to explain. Its kind of like watching my life through a dream and it is terrifying. It has been a long term problem, Ive read its a defense mechanism your brain learns during trauma and doesnt go away just because the trauma did. I honestly blame Klonopin, my panic disorder was severe when I was younger. I was homebound. My doctor put me on Klonopin when I was 12 and I believe I was way too young to be on such a strong medicine.My brain was still growing! I was addicted to it until I was 20 and I finally got off it. It was like going off heroine I swear! And by addicted, I don't mean I was getting it illegally, I didn't even feel anything when I took it. But when I didn't take it, I would faint, vomit, sweat, shake uncontrollably. It was terrible! I refuse to go on any meds for anxiety or depression again..which is where the alcohol came in
:/

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GREEN-EYED-LADY 12/6/2012 1:01PM

    Congrats are in order ! You are doing AMAZING ! Keep it up ! I'm struggling with alcohol too. I managed to go several weeks without alcohol until my alcoholic husband said, "It doesn't seem like date-night without you drinking". I immediately "relapsed" but now I'm again on an AF streak. I'm losing weight, too, by simply NOT drinking. Alcohol is a LOT of calories (7 cal per gram whereas carbs and protein only have 4 calories per gram). I'm trying to think of alcohol as a toxin and poison (which it really is) to my body which I don't need. I want to feel, look, and BE healthy.
God Bless You !
Valerie
P.S. What is "depersonlization"?

Comment edited on: 12/6/2012 3:33:32 PM

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SCHNEBL 12/6/2012 12:37PM

    You are fabulous! I love reading your blogs. Got on and looked at the book you talked about, only did not order it ....yet. I love your first paragraph and it inspires me to win my battle tonight at my brother in law's bday party. I don't want to fight with my sober man, don't want to be embarrassed about what I did when I wake up tomorrow. Why do I want to drink wine is another good question - and until I can answer that question I will not be drinking.

Never mind your boss...he is scared of you and your amazingness. Try to keep him in perspective.....and perhaps he is one person you don't need to talk to about your transformation. Sometimes it is better not to encourage someone to be anxious around you.

Keep up the good work!

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CAPECODBABE 12/6/2012 11:55AM

    Congrats. Sounds like you have it under control!

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