Thursday, December 06, 2012
Today will be day 7 without alcohol and I am feeling amazing! A few times, I thought I was craving beer but as soon as I realized I was just craving something fizzy, I drank Club Soda with fruit mixed in and the craving disappeared! Every time I think of wanting alcohol, I simply ask myself "Why?" and it snaps me right back to not wanting it. That process takes about half of one second. I feel so..free. I don't have to schedule my social life around hangovers, which was a pretty big burden before. No more working with a hang over, no more starting stupid drunk fights with my sober boyfriend, no more losing control of my emotions, no more being stranded at bars unable to drive, this is awesome! Plus, wow is it cheaper! I don't feel like I lost something when I quit, I feel like I gained a whole lot of stuff!
I'm also happy to report that I am not replacing alcohol with food (I read a lot of people had trouble with this). Quite the contrary! I have been a lot more careful with dinner because I am clear headed enough to concentrate. Last night we had turkey meatloaf with a bunch of veggies! I am trying to not get too excited..but I am down 3 pounds!! I know I know, it's probably just where I was retaining water. But still, my weight only fluctuates by a pound, even when I had food poisoning, so I am feeling happy even if I shouldn't! I am short by the way, I think that is why it doesn't fluctuate more. I am not going to record the new weight until tomorrow though because I have a rule that the weight has to be consistent for three days straight before it counts. I know I should only weigh myself once a week, save the lecture lol!
There haven't been any bad withdraw symptoms. They have all been extremely mild. I've had a very dull headache and slight nausea. My only downfall is all the anxiety disorder symptoms that I was self medicating are back. I have depersonalization really bad and alcohol prevented those episodes. I need to fix the problem though, not the symptom so I have been looking into it. Also, I have to work harder in situations that would trigger panic attacks. It is something I knew I would always have to deal with the panic disorder and getting drunk all the time isn't the best way. If 12 year old me can do it sober, 26 year old me can do it sober!
Good side effects, did you notice my "blissful high" from my last blog? That was awesome! That has passed, and I am glad because I am sure I was annoying because I was bouncing off the walls! It felt way better than drunk, I will tell you that much! Now I feel...peaceful :D. I have only had one person give me the "I know it seems easy now but don't be too hard on yourself when you cave in again". This coming from an alcoholic. Everyone else has been very positive, and that is the feedback I appreciate. I am a little worried about this Negative Nancy. He is my boss and has some...shall we say..power issues? I could hear a little panic in his voice when I told him I decided to quit. I think if I go a month without a drink, it will bother him because he is unable to do it and he will start being hard on me at work. That's just how he is though and I have to keep in mind that he is projecting.
There is a party in a week. I wanted to go and see if I could have fun sober. However, there will be a person that hurt me pretty bad and I'd rather not have to deal with her and the stress that comes along with her. I know I can handle bars no problem but I am curious to see how I feel around a bunch of drunk friends. Maybe next time!
Last but not least- Zombie Run training is going great! I think it is easier to run in the winter! We have made some serious progress these past 2 weeks! I do have some concerns about shin splits but I don't have health insurance :/. Is it bad if it hurts up the front of my leg? It doesn't feel like a muscle pain so I am getting a bit worried!