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    MEL_UNRAU   100,512
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ugh. just ugh.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Ive been a bit absent here and in my WL efforts the last few weeks. I'm trying to hang in there... but things kind of seem to be on a bit of a spiral in the downward direction.

I've been injured. I now have a chest cold. I've been dealing with all sorts of family drama. (I deleted a previous post detailing some of it, because while I needed it out there, I decided that perhaps it didn't need to STAY out there.)

I'm still dealing with all sorts of family drama. I'm not sure how I wound up being the go to person for all this, but I have. "Melanie can fix this!" Well, I can't. I'm drained. I'm tired. It feels like the last 8 weeks the world just keeps serving up piles and piles.

I know I am being defeatist. I know that. But, I just don't want to do it any more. I don't want to be the go to fixer upper. I'm calling my mom daily just because I don't know how to deal with all that is being thrust upon me. For crying out loud, my parents in law are calling me 2-3x a day to ask what they should do! My phone plan started over on Monday and I have already used 2/3 of my monthly minutes and half the texts.

I told a family member that I'd pay for their therapy because they need it. But, it was a spur of the moment thing... and I just got a nearly $7000 bill from my son being in the hospital and I can't really pay for this person. (We are still waiting on the insurance, so we don't actually know what we will owe, but we now know how much it cost!)

I want to go home for Christmas. I don't want to be with my in laws this year. But, everyone is coming here... from literally all over the world for Christmas. So I can't run away. I've got to keep doing. And I will. But, I don't wanna.

And the thing is, my hubby... he said this morning, "It finally feels like a real Christmas." I'm glad one of us feels that way.

So... I'm off to half ass my way through a workout. Because that's all I've got in me today. I'm going to try and be more present. To be more active.

I swear, I'm gonna put up a 3rd Christmas tree or something. I gotta find some more Christmas joy! Because right now... ugh. just ugh.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEATLETOT 12/6/2012 7:41PM

    I'm sorry, Mel. It sounds like a whole, whole lot going on. I didn't read the other blog, but I hope it helped to write it, and I hope things get better soon.

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4EVERADONEGIRL 12/6/2012 6:58PM

    You know, do what you can and let it be enough. I know that I've been in a similar situation where there are many people coming to me for everything under the sun and it is crushing!!! So take it one step at a time. Set priorities and do only what is the most important. Baking and cleaning and everything else? Maybe a little lower on the list for a little bit while you sort things out!

At any rate, you know I love ya, girlie and I'm here for ya!!! I'm sending you a gazillion virtual hugs and lots of good vibes. Hang in there!!!

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MARYBETH4884 12/6/2012 4:45PM

    Take a breath, if things don'tget done that is life focus your energy on your family, your whole family knows it's been a super stressful time they need to understand. Save some decorating for others to do as a family activity as everyone arrives. Delegate some or most of the food. Insurance takes time,and hospital and doctors know this.they will wait and if insurance doesn't pay all of it, they sometimes reduce what you owe. Most of the time they are willing to work with you on payment plans and such. Talk to them some money is better than no money. As for your offer to pay for therapy, after the holiday help them find good but reasonable help through a church or nonprofit organization. Whatever the specific problem there is a group somewhere to help. Your family is family and needs to understand your desire to help out weighs your financial ability. You will continue to be in my prayers!

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MARTY728 12/6/2012 1:42PM

    I can understand. With your recent family illness and drama, it can be tough. Think Christmas through the eyes of your children. Enjoy experiencing the sights and sounds with them. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NITTINNANA 12/6/2012 11:30AM

    Please don't add to you stress level by adding to your work load. No more decorating! Cook ahead a little at a time if you can. And offer to help some of your Christmas guests find motel rooms in town so they don't all descend on you. Can you ask any of the guests to bring anything, and maybe have at least one meal a potluck? It really sounds as if you need to take care of yourself right now.

Maybe some other readers of your blog and/or friends or church family can help you brainstorm other ways to lighten your load for the rest of your month.

I'll be praying for you and following up on how you're doing.

Blessings -
~Pam

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WALLAHALLA 12/6/2012 10:38AM

    I get more joy by doing stuff for others, that they did NOT ask me or tell me to do. Just random acts of kindness. This time of year is very stressful. I don't have one decoration inside the house, because we have all been so sick, and so on the go at the same time. Maybe this weekend...

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BIGDOG18 12/6/2012 10:37AM

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