Thursday, December 06, 2012
Ive been a bit absent here and in my WL efforts the last few weeks. I'm trying to hang in there... but things kind of seem to be on a bit of a spiral in the downward direction.
I've been injured. I now have a chest cold. I've been dealing with all sorts of family drama. (I deleted a previous post detailing some of it, because while I needed it out there, I decided that perhaps it didn't need to STAY out there.)
I'm still dealing with all sorts of family drama. I'm not sure how I wound up being the go to person for all this, but I have. "Melanie can fix this!" Well, I can't. I'm drained. I'm tired. It feels like the last 8 weeks the world just keeps serving up piles and piles.
I know I am being defeatist. I know that. But, I just don't want to do it any more. I don't want to be the go to fixer upper. I'm calling my mom daily just because I don't know how to deal with all that is being thrust upon me. For crying out loud, my parents in law are calling me 2-3x a day to ask what they should do! My phone plan started over on Monday and I have already used 2/3 of my monthly minutes and half the texts.
I told a family member that I'd pay for their therapy because they need it. But, it was a spur of the moment thing... and I just got a nearly $7000 bill from my son being in the hospital and I can't really pay for this person. (We are still waiting on the insurance, so we don't actually know what we will owe, but we now know how much it cost!)
I want to go home for Christmas. I don't want to be with my in laws this year. But, everyone is coming here... from literally all over the world for Christmas. So I can't run away. I've got to keep doing. And I will. But, I don't wanna.
And the thing is, my hubby... he said this morning, "It finally feels like a real Christmas." I'm glad one of us feels that way.
So... I'm off to half ass my way through a workout. Because that's all I've got in me today. I'm going to try and be more present. To be more active.
I swear, I'm gonna put up a 3rd Christmas tree or something. I gotta find some more Christmas joy! Because right now... ugh. just ugh.