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    FINDINGME2012   139
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Hateing myself


Thursday, December 06, 2012

Today I put on my pants , one of the two that actually still fit me. They were so tight I could bearly stand it. Everytime I come home I take them off and wear my husbands pj bottems. Today I got on the scale. Which I havent done in awhile. I now weigh 248 pounds. I am suppose to be losing weight not gaining. How much more will it take .. another 10..20.30. when I am 300.00 pounds then is it going to finally sink in... or will I just completely give up. My hip is giving out on my several times a day. Its getting hard to tie my shoes without holding my breath. I look in the mirror and I dont even know who I am looking at anymore. I look 20 years older then I am , fat, bad skin, I dont even do my hair anymore. I feel like I have given up already. I feel bad for my husband.. his wife is getting bigger and bigger. I was 170 pounds when we got married. I want to change, I do.. but every day I just eat more and more crap. If I cant take responsibliy for myself then who will? I hate myself today. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
AJAMARIE1 12/6/2012 11:13AM

  The only way to love yourself is to reinvent yourself. Start reinventing yourself today. Take small steps. Set weekly challenges for yourself. This week. No fast food. Next week, no soda. So on. You'll VERY QUICKLY love yourself if you can set small achievable goals. We're all here to help. You can do it!!!!

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ME230150 12/6/2012 10:27AM

    Don't give up! You can do it and don't hate yourself, it is hard. I lost 40 pounds this year and 20 of it was in the first 2 months, so I know I could have done better, but I don't hate myself. Yes I am disappointed in myself. Sit down and make a plan and stick to it. Buy yourself a new pair of pants, even 2 sizes smaller and hang them up so you can see them everyday when you are getting ready. Get up shower, brush your teeth, fix your hair and smile at yourself in the mirror. Don' t let it get the best of you, give it the best of you!
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