Thursday, December 06, 2012
Today I put on my pants , one of the two that actually still fit me. They were so tight I could bearly stand it. Everytime I come home I take them off and wear my husbands pj bottems. Today I got on the scale. Which I havent done in awhile. I now weigh 248 pounds. I am suppose to be losing weight not gaining. How much more will it take .. another 10..20.30. when I am 300.00 pounds then is it going to finally sink in... or will I just completely give up. My hip is giving out on my several times a day. Its getting hard to tie my shoes without holding my breath. I look in the mirror and I dont even know who I am looking at anymore. I look 20 years older then I am , fat, bad skin, I dont even do my hair anymore. I feel like I have given up already. I feel bad for my husband.. his wife is getting bigger and bigger. I was 170 pounds when we got married. I want to change, I do.. but every day I just eat more and more crap. If I cant take responsibliy for myself then who will? I hate myself today.