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    WOLFKITTY   67,056
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Gym TV 10k-W5/D2

Thursday, December 06, 2012

I accidentally got the treadmill in front of ABC where "Criminal Minds" show was on at the gym. I tried really hard not to look, but was extremely disturbed over and over. It didn't help that a couple TVs over there was another gory crime drama. 

I used to watch shows like this all of the time. Now it's been almost 5 years since I watched those regularly, and only a couple years that I haven't had TV at home at all, and I was really shaken by the violence and images. 

My over-active and sensitive imagination already goes into overdrive if there's a hint of danger, or the thought crosses my mind. I used to only be really disturbed by sexual assault on women or children, but I think it's expanded. You know how you can get a song stuck in your head? Sometimes I get a train of thought stuck in my head. And if it's all of the horrific acts that shows like this allude to (or display), it's a SERIOUS challenge to stop the visualizations. I have to envision white space, like meditation in a way.  Sometimes that can stop it on the track. Other times I have to distract myself and hope it doesn't come back. 

I know that not everyone is as sensitive to this stuff as me. People often don't understand. Tonight I felt embarrassed or ashamed, but then I told myself that it's okay-- no one HAS to be desensitized to it. 

I was completing my Week 5, Day 2 10k program. 
-I considered asking them to turn it off/change the channel, but I didn't want to stop running. 
- I tried finding other places to focus my eyes on, without throwing myself off balance or off the treadmill. That was hard..
-I stared at the display in front of me (but I'm far-sighted, and without glasses, so that was making me dizzy)
-I stared at the calories burned counter going up as I ran. I tried to use it as motivation to push harder, make it a game. 
-I tried so hard to NOT look at the screen that I kept sneaking glances. 
-I tried to use my frustration, disgust, fear and sadness evoked by the show to push harder. 
-Eventually, I just ran with my hand towel over my head, draped enough over my eyes to block out te TV ahead & overhead, but still show part of the treadmill display. I took it off a few times to try to breathe easier and cool off. 

Long story short, I picked a location that didn't work, and the heart rate monitor didn't work, and I got started too late for my liking, and I've never before run successfully on the treadmill-- BUT I DID IT. I finished my 10k training (8 min run/5 min walk-repeat), did a cool down, then did a bunch more walking with an energizing song that made me run for another 45 seconds and need another cool down. ;)

I really wanted to get a few more fitness minutes in, and do my normal gym game of burning at least as many calories as my start weight, so I went to another machine, closer to the TV wall so I couldn't see them. I was 90 seconds in when I accidentally looked up and a *different* channel/show had a child in a body cast with dark shadowy holes cut out for his eyes and lips. It was too much so I left. 

I forgot to stretch, and started crying before I was able to get to my car.  I cried more in the car, reassured myself out loud that it will all be okay. Part of my catharsis to get all of it out of my system is typing this out on my phone. 

10k training-DONE
Working out everyday this week so far-DONE
Running on treadmill successfully-DONE

Now I have to grab some supplies at Target if they're still open and try to get to bed. I need sleep because CrossFit is tomorrow!!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JSELLINGTON 12/7/2012 12:45PM

    You are a blessing and one of God's emoticon angels. Stay the way you are. You have a heart of gold. I can understand how you feel and it stinks emoticon that you have to see stuff like that and worse that they show that in a gym. I haven't been in a gym emoticon in more than 10 years, so I really don't know what the atmosphere is like. You rock though!! You are strong emoticon and can continue your workout in the face of such adversity.
Please take care and I pray you are never in that kind of situation again. Always remember your SparkFamily and how we are here for you. Try to keep us in your head when you are faced w/that. Think about how we are there for each other. emoticon

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RUSSELLORAMA 12/6/2012 7:46PM

    Great job getting to the gym, but I'm sorry the images on TV disturbed you. I don't have cable either, so I don't get the parade of negative imagery as much as I used to. Your reaction is what's supposed to happen. I also think it's weird that some people have no qualms about the level of violence that's routinely shown, but say a curse word or flash a nipple on TV and it's the end of the world!

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SWEETZMIX 12/6/2012 6:01PM

    It's ok Joce. I am happy you went to the gym but I kind of wished you stayed home so you didn't have to watch that.

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MARTY728 12/6/2012 1:23PM

    emoticon emoticon

emoticon on not having only a TV for a couple years.

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JILLYBEAN25 12/6/2012 12:25PM

There is nothing wrong with your reaction to those things. That's how it SHOULD be.

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HIPPICHICK1 12/6/2012 12:06PM

    It makes me glad that we cancelled out satellite TV over a year ago and not only save about $700 a year, but save our souls from brutal images of these types of shows. My hubby used to watch all the CSI shows but could never stomach Criminal Minds. Me, I like to laugh and so whenever I wanted to see a show it was a comedy. Same with movies. I always vote for a comedy over anything else.

I emoticon your sensitive soul and am sending you emoticon

P.S. emoticon with the training!!

Comment edited on: 12/6/2012 12:07:28 PM

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BROOKLYN_BORN 12/6/2012 11:20AM

    Criminal Minds is one show I will not watch EVER. Like you, it leaves too many images and thoughts in my head that don't need to be there. When at the gym, I choose the treadmill farthest away from the TV screens. Unfortunately, I can often still hear them. I've discovered that it actually raises my heartrate to have such disturbing media around.

I had a similar reaction listening to the political commercials and talking heads arguing before the election. When working out, I need happy thoughts.

Good for you getting it done in spite of very difficult circumstances.

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FREETOWANDER 12/6/2012 11:15AM

    Good job pushing through that unpleasantness. One of the reasons I despise the workout set up at most gyms (the cardio equipment) is because of the TV's. I, too, don't have TV at home because it's too much of a distraction. A show like that would make me not want to be where you were either, though I also used to watch them. When I did belong to a gym (when I lived in AK), I used to have only one or two treadmills that pointed to a TV station that I either liked well enough that it wouldn't distract me too much or a boring news channel so that I wouldn't even notice. GOOD LUCK next time!

P.S. emoticon for your success with a full run workout on the treadmill!! That's quite an accomplishment! As is having worked out everyday this week!!

Comment edited on: 12/6/2012 11:17:10 AM

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TOGEMON 12/6/2012 9:36AM

    Don't feel bad for being sensitive to those shows... I think a lot of humans' problems today is that we're too desensitized!


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RUNNER12COM 12/6/2012 9:33AM

    I used to watch shows like that all the time and not really give a thought to the real-life parallels. These days, though, I just don't want to see that stuff. I know it's out there, but why choose to put it all in my head?

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RAJANIEMI 12/6/2012 9:06AM

    Good for you did it no matter what.
Both gyms I go to DO NOT have TV's, I perfer it that way.

I love that you don't have TV at your house...I wish I could do DH will not hear of it. The only thing I want my TV for is my workout videos.


It's a new did Cross Fit go?

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JESPAH 12/6/2012 9:01AM

    Pushing through, despite unpleasantness is a good thing. You have a lot more ammo now, for when things are annoying or itchy or difficult or inconvenient.

I have found that trudging through heavy snow makes walking through cold rain seem almost pleasant by comparison.

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LJCANNON 12/6/2012 8:33AM

    emoticon I agree, some things really should NOT be made in to 'Entertainment'. But you did great in keeping your mind -mostly - focused on yourself and your Goals.
emoticon Congratulations on completing the 10K. That was a fabulous time. I know you'll remember to Stretch next time :-D

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BLUE42DOWN 12/6/2012 2:34AM

    emoticon not letting any of those things emoticon you!

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ZRIE014 12/6/2012 1:35AM

  i use a mp3 player to entertain myself emoticon emoticon

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