Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Tomorrow will be two (2) months since my love left for another, and hopefully, more wonderful realm. It has been a very difficult two months and the next few months probably won't be any easier but I am putting one foot in front of the other as the days slide by.
This morning I went to the Y for a water aerobics class. It was a good morning. No one whined at me or acted as if I was the most pitiful creature there, Thank God! Acting like that and whining at me triggers the tears that are so close to the surface. I did 40 minutes of the class and left so that I could come home to meet my friend for lunch.
I met Jane, my friend, for lunch at Bravo's Italian restaurant. I had a free entree; so, I bought Jane's lunch to celebrate her birthday which will be while she is visiting her son in Seattle for the next month. I am sad that she is going as she has been a steadfast and understanding friend who, having lost her husband, truly understands. I am also glad that her son sent her the ticket as she didn't have the funds right now and not enough frequent flyer miles and he is her only child. it will be good for her to spend Christmas with him and his partner.
I thought that I was doing extremely well, no tears since last night. Then, just about an hour ago I got an e-mail from a former neighbor and school mate. Jerry wanted to know how I am doing and said he and his wife are concerned about me and how I am getting along. He also asked how he could find Ed's obituary as he had been unable to find it so far. he wanted to send it out to alumni of our high school. Well, the tears started agian and I am having a hard time stopping the flow.
Maybe I shouldn't try to stop the tears. maybe I should continue to cry. Maybe I should accept the fact that certain things are going to be triggers for the tears pouring down my cheeks. Maybe...but I don't. I don't because after a while crying actually becomes physically painful. I don't because I am running out of tissues. I don't because I am tired of crying and hurting from the sobs and wrenching pain in my heart!
Maybe I shouldn't try to stop crying just because......