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Starting To Get Scared


Wednesday, December 05, 2012

I'm getting nervous about the dinner party/ cookie exchange this Sunday. I think I'll look and feel good in my new dress. I'm sure it will be a fabulous, indulgent dinner with great wine and I have no doubt I'll thoroughly enjoy it.

What I'm scared about is after the party. Last year I came home with about 3 dozen assorted cookies, brownies, and cake balls. I know I can/should be strong but I'll have at least 2 glasses of wine in me, so all my inhibitions will be down the pooper. And I know I could abstain from the wine but I have extreme social anxiety so I can't imagine enjoying myself if I don't have some wine (my social anxiety stems from being morbidly obese and extraordinarily insecure and I know I need therapy).

I guess my plan will be to try to get as little take-home treats as possible, only eat the ones I love the best, then give away the rest. I can't have then in my house! Too dangerous!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BOOKWORM27S 12/8/2012 9:25AM

    I totally understand, last time I went to one of those cookie parties I came home with 5 or 6 dozen cookies!

Does coffee help you with social anxiety? It works on me.... I usually abstain from my morning coffee when I go to a party. Then I drink a lot of coffee at the event, and it makes me very "happy" and chatty. Of course, caffeine effects everyone differently. Just enough makes me want to socialize, too much makes me angry and aggressive.

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ALIHIKES 12/6/2012 2:55PM

    I have the exact same situation coming up on Sunday (tree decorating party, where the host is offering cookies and wine, and everyone brings cookies). Here's my personal solution: I'll drink water and/or coffee or tea and avoid the wine. I'll eat a healthy meal with plenty of protein before arrival and avoid as many cookies as I can. If I am sent home with cookies, they will be wrapped up in cellophane then covered with foil, and will go immediately into the freezer in the garage. The cookies will get removed when I have guests, or when I can work a single cookie into my eating plan without giving into temptation. (This worked REALLY well last year. The last of my frozen Christmas cookies were discovered in October, and one cookie each was served with low fat ice cream drizzled with pureed strawberries at a dinner party).

For social anxiety, I try to focus more on other people, particularly make a point of asking people that I don't know about their plans for the holiday, travel adventures, where do they work, have they seen any of the new movies, etc. I don't worry about whether they will like me or not, I just try to make an effort, and I move on promptly if the person isn't friendly. (If they ARE unfriendly or unwelcoming, I remind myself that the correct attitude is: "Boy, that person is a jerk!" NOT "Something is wrong with ME!")

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SNAPDRAGON1231 12/6/2012 8:36AM

  I have social anxiety too and don't drink. It can be done. My strategy is to ask questions and be interested in other people. And don't try too hard to be funny, I always make an ass out of myself when I try too hard! I like the idea of "forgetting " them or putting them in my trunk.

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OOLALA53 12/6/2012 1:26AM

    If you must take cookies, leave them in the trunk of the car. Do you have more than one car? In the trunk of your husband's car, preferably. Let him take them to his work.

I like the fire station/police station idea, too. Or a shelter?

You aren't obese anymore and haven't been for a few years, no? Even then, you were an accomplished woman who married and had children and had every right to be respected and liked. Even if you didn't feel you had much to say, I'm sure you could and can be a great listener. See how much you can find out about other people or catch up on their lives, if you already know them.

Are you enjoying your meals and the time in between? Best prep for parties is sanity and moderation. You might find you aren't even that hungry and things don't look that good. Be very picky.

And whatever happens, you can handle it.

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MYRTROSE 12/5/2012 10:26PM

    Agreed. Even if your drunk ass brings them home, give them away!

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FLAMENM 12/5/2012 9:02PM

    Your plan sounds perfect. Take home very few goodies. And stick to the one you absolutely love. I have issues with my family wanting to home the fattening food with me as a form of sabotauge. Oh, she looks skinny, so give her the unhealthy stuff. Just practice a simple "No thank you." No ned to explain you might lose ocntrol and gobble down a whole cookie tray......

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TINASWEEP 12/5/2012 6:19PM

    I would be scared in the same situation. We're rooting for you, though, and remember if you're tempted to go for more than you should consider first if you would feel better or worse afterward if you follow through on the temptation. I always feel so much better about abstaining.

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JADOMB 12/5/2012 5:10PM

    It has taken me forever to get my wife to step back for buying too much for functions. It seems like everyone tries to take enough to feed everyone off their one dish. Then at the end of the night, we are either making or taking doggy bags of food home. Since I hate to be wasteful, I always ended up eating all the stuff for the rest of the week.

The other day though we finally had a good amount of food with little left overs. Matter of fact, your thanksgiving dinner was the same. So we are on the right track. But I know that won't end the cookie baskets, etc. so I just have her take them to work with her or give them to neighbors. They probably hate me. LOL But I tell them, eat them or throw them away so they don't feel guilty if they choose the latter.

Anyway, I know you can do it and with grace.

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SPUNKYDUCKY 12/5/2012 4:47PM

    Your mantra for the evening is "Nothing tastes as good as feeling then feels" - I know you know this- just trying to help! You know what you need to do - I sometimes need the glass of wine too (then often misbehave if I don't have a good advance plan - so I totally understand)

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ADVENTURESEEKER 12/5/2012 4:16PM

    Good luck with the plan! I don't know if I could handle having cookies around, unless I portioned them out one-a-day or told myself I wasn't eating sugars for x amount of time. It would push the 'want' off for a while.

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CORTNEY-LEE 12/5/2012 3:59PM

    there are a few things I would do in that situation if I felt that I could not limit the eating of those types of things

1. give them away to someone else
2. accidentally on purpose forget the treats at the party on a table
3. if all else fails, throw them away and empty the cat litter on top of them (and yes, I have done that before)

I think you will do just fine though, and I bet you will look fabulous in your dress!

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FINDYOURSPARK 12/5/2012 1:54PM

    My routine for those things is to bring the food straight to work on Monday morning. I use my coworkers as my garbage disposal, and they love it. Good luck! You can do it!

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MARTY728 12/5/2012 1:14PM

    Stick to your plan and you will be fine. Or you can always send the goodies with your inhibitions "down the pooper"! emoticon

We are also having a cookie exchange on Sunday. I plan to keep telling myself, "I do not eat sweets!" Note I wrote "do not" and not "will not" or "should not". For me if I remember my "do not" I won't. The problem is I forget! emoticon

You have come a long way and have emoticon results. emoticon emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 12/5/2012 12:48PM

    Enjoy how you feel in the dress. I know you will look and feel amazing. I understand having anxiety at parties...try to strike up a conversation, smile, meet new people. Fake it til you make it. I know that can be tough. Sometimes, I smile through my shyness and no one notices how I feel. I act friendly and helpful until I start talking to someone that I have things in common with.

Once glass of wine is plenty.

Don't take anything home if it is going to hurt all your efforts. Out of sight...out of mouth.

Take a picture of yourself in the dress before the party. Study that image. You want to stay this way...for life. This party is just another day/moment/event in your life. You don't have to be afraid. You'll go to the party, enjoy some wine and come home. And you will be successful. You can do this. Sweets are my enemy. I avoid them and then I'm good. I would take a glass of wine any day over a brownie. Enjoy yourself and how you look and feel.

And therapy is definitely something that could help you. I am a strong believer in therapy.

Have a good time. You can do this.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ERIN1957 12/5/2012 12:32PM

    We all have horror stories don't we. I totally understand about the wine and yes many, but not all would condemn you for what you do to survive. Of course would as well hand you their card for future events. Believing they can cure what has plagued us most of our lives.
Give away, homeless shelters, abuse shelters, they would love them, drop them off in a back pew of a church, a center or check ahead and see if a police station or fire department may take them. There are tons of places to give them away. And besides saving yourself from trouble, it would be a giving gesture as well. A double win, win.

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RUDITUDI2000 12/5/2012 12:30PM

    Can you drop them off to police dept or fire dept on your way home from party? We did this recently and they were so thankful! It blessed me too not having them in my house. Good luck! You can overcome!!

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ISLAMOM 12/5/2012 12:24PM

    I think it's great that you're thinking ahead and developing a strategy to deal with it! All you have to do is follow it through!! Charge ahead!

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CHRISTINASP 12/5/2012 12:18PM

    I am SURE you will look good!
I like it that you have no doubt you will enjoy yourself. I'd say try to relax. Could you maybe try to have ONE glass of wine instead of two? Maybe that will enable you to be able to make the best choices foodwise.
I understand you may feel insecure but believe me, you are a strong woman and you won't need wine. (Could you give the cookies to the homeless or to refugees? I know that it really feels good to do something like that.)
You will be fine.
Wishing for you to have a great time.

Comment edited on: 12/5/2012 12:20:27 PM

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GINGERHAWK 12/5/2012 12:06PM

    Try to enjoy the party and the new dress. If you can minimize what you bring home that would be great but I agree with others - give away some of what you do bring home. That's my typical strategy when I'm feeling weak on will power. You can do it! A fellow Sparker has a saying I love on all their posts - 'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.'

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40LESSOFERIN 12/5/2012 12:01PM

    I agree with you if you can't have them in the house give them away to neighbors, take them to work, anything to take the temptation away. Have fun at your party, sounds like you have a plan in place. Good Job!! Hang in there and be strong!

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MIPALADY23 12/5/2012 12:00PM

    I hear you!! Plan plan plan and then give it away or freeze it and thaw in tiny increments!

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SADWHITEWOLF 12/5/2012 12:00PM

    I too suffer social anxiety (stems from being bullied in school) and admit that a glass of wine or two helps me as well. (I know a therepist would recommend against this method, but I am human, so there it is)
It can be a vicious cycle.

I like your idea of giving away your extra cookies and trying not to take home too many.

We will get through this.

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TERRAMATER 12/5/2012 11:56AM

    Well, at least you have an action plan! Good luck with it! emoticon

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