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I am an ex ...

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

What a year !

So much has happened:

- Moving to the Netherlands
- Moving back in with my mother
- Unpaid internship
- Masters of Law graduation
- Weight loss (20kg - Thank you Jesus, support and healthy lifestyle)
- Turning 24
- My first "boyfriend" ( lasted 5 months)
- My first "break-up" (which I initiated)

Here I am on a bright December morning with a smile on my face.

I broke up with my boyfriend two nights ago. Things were not well, there was no more spark. I could not pin point what the reason of the break up was. I still do not know the exact reason. All I know is that I was truly unhappy. He was a great guy, nice, respectful and good looking. He always treated me right and respected my decisions. Even when I decided I did not want any intimacy with him or anyone else until marriage.

While with him, I was stressed all the time. I used to be grumpy and worried all the time. I am sure of this because I feel lighter and calmer now. I am more pleasant to my mother, my colleagues and my friends.

When we met, I had just embarked upon this new lifestyle of eating healthy (so we never went out to eat at restaurants) and working out ( He said he understood but we had one huge argument over me not spending every evening with him). He kept saying that he supported me, but I have some doubt.

After much thought, despite how good he was with me. I was done. Done pretending, done dragging him in with my grumpiness. I tried but I did not want to try anymore.

Other reasons I considered was, his lack of ambitions (he is a mover although he is unhappy about his job and is passionate about animals, a passion he could turn into a career. He would not try. He keeps talking about it but does not do anything about it), the simplicity of his life which was so different from my path (He grew up in Holland, traveled little, was close minded - in my opinion), a smoker, a non-believer and very very messy. I thought I could make it work despite it all. But truly I couldn't.

So here I am an "ex" for the first time. I feel confident about my decision. I mean all you have to do is look at the smile on my face. I am smiling again.

I guess we just do not belong together.
We broke up on a clean slate. He said he felt it coming and that he wanted to break up BUT he made me do the dirty job. For that I resent him a little, in my eyes it show weakness on his part.

I wanted to get this off my chest sparkers.

Have a wonderful day
Let's keep sparking
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