Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Yesterday, we went to the first family baby shower! I had been perplexed as to what to wear even going to the extent of buying a new pair of pants and a new sweater that didn't go with one another. I had baggy navy dress slacks and wasn't sure what I would find to go with the new sized black pants. After much debate, I decided to wear the baggie navy pants with my new sweater. I felt a bit droopy at times, but didn't let it bother me. The same pants haven't fit me at least for a few years so it was nice getting possibly once last wearing out of them. The black slacks will be returned to the store. My logic was such that the pants wouldn't fit for very long, but I could get away with wearing the sweater a bit longer. My job driving the bus doesn't require me to dress up whatsoever. I can wear jeans every day if I wish so buying a pair of dress slacks that will most likely stay in the closet, doesn't seem to make much sense.
As I was sitting at the shower with my mother-in-law and her sister, I was actually relaxed for the first time at one of these types of gatherings. That felt good to me. I wasn't sitting there thinking about feeling out of place because of my dumpy clothing. That's huge for me. Did I mention that I'm hard of hearing and that I don't wear my hearing aid? Mostly what I hear in a large crowd is just a din. I have to pay extra attention to someone's lips when they are talking to me. Thankfully, I have been able to hide that somewhat by shying away from conversations. It's fairly easy to do, I must say, when you are feeling like a lump. Yesterday seemed different. I had a few conversations which is HUGE for me! The average party goer would probably have no clue that any of this was taking place.
A friend of mine who has been going through her own incredible transformation gave me some good advice via her own blog. In a sense, she likes to be "fun, festive, and sparkly"! I couldn't agree more. Tis the season for some sparkle! I'm thinking that I need another shopping trip to find some sparkle and some bright colors. I'm extremely partial to bright colors when I'm thinner. Heck! Why not start wearing them now! The new mission is to define my colors. No more dull boring, over sized, no shaped clothing for me. Thanks to my friend, too, I need to "embrace the curves"! Who doesn't know that I have them?!@!? Even at my absolute thinnest, I will still have curves - in my body and my hair!
Upon reflection, it is not strictly about a number. The pounds, the inches, the sizes, are all numbers. When you've been the BIG numbers like I was, watching the numbers go down feels good. It gives you something to know that what you're doing is working. Watching the pattern of number in my weight loss journey, has helped me better understand how the cycle works for me.