Tuesday, December 04, 2012
i have been wearing people out telling them the following:
that i feel like a fool. for years and years i read ecclesiastes and for years and years i heard God tell me it's okay to win the lottery... (i know, i know, i deserve every last snicker).
see, there is that scripture in chapter 2 that tells me i can work my fingers off, i could work so hard, but if i don't please God, and if God doesn't love me, then he will give what i worked hard for... to someone else.
and then it says in Ecclesiastes 9:11:
New International Version (NIV)
11 "I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all."
so this meant: why try. everything is useless. and he said that too... many. many. times.
but this past week, i re-read the chapters, felt like i was being hit by a 2x4, and i examined ecclesiaster, in detail, chapter for chapter.
i read: ENJOY YOUR WORK. so lots of people, when i said this to them, thought i was meaning my little ole corp job (that is not so little). but i looked at it and saw: enjoy raising your kids. enjoy being a wife. enjoy dusting, vacuuming. enjoy working hard at repenting. enjoy working hard at losing weight and changing your eating habits. enjoy those things!. well, some people don't have the problem in these areas. they see those scriptures and think "what's the big deal"?. but i have a BIG problem. i feel like a failure in these areas. everyday i wake up and i do these jobs--my kids, my work on the house, etc, but everyday i think that i am failing at them. it is never good enough for me. and this, while i know, is a horrible sin, is worse than i thought. my job is to enjoy. my. work. enjoy. myself. not be the silly person i am.
so other tidbits, made me go.... WOW. do you know that in eccl 5:1a it really says, in NLT, "as you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouth shut..." WOW.
and i kind of stopped for now at 7:10. "don't long for the 'good ole days.' this is not wise. nlt is being nice.
esv says: "say not: 'why were the former days better than these?' for it is not from wisdom that you ask this."
how long have i put in my post: "i wanna be thin like when i was in high school?" "i wanna look like i did in high school". "i wanna move and be more physical like i was in high school." well... i hear some people tell me things they want like "back in the day" again, and i sometimes laugh at them.
how much more people had to have been laughing at me! it is not that i am not a spring chicken anymore. it is that why would i even WANT to be a spring chicken?!! i was incredibly stupid! with really really dumb mistakes. i learned some hard hard lessons. i don't want to have to relearn them again. and re-capping idiot days is not good.
and i loved how ESV, says: "for it is not from wisdom..." gee... he wants to say: FOOLISHNESS here. or STUPIDITY. and while i smile at the wording, the point is:
Lisa, stop whining, get to work and smile about it, and stop whining. love it! enjoy it! have fun with it! what's wrong with you to distort what i gave you, Lisa... i gave you WORK.! you don't get paid if you don't do the work!