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The Twelve Pains of Christmas

Monday, December 03, 2012

Written by Bob Rivers and released in his album Twisted Christmas in 1988.


The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree


The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree



The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree


The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree



The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree



The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree



The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree


The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!
Charities,
And what'cha mean "YOUR in-laws"! ?
Five months of bills!
Oh, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords! ?
And finding a Christmas tree


The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!
Donations,
Facing my in-laws,
Five months of bills
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers
Now why the hell are they blinking! ?
And finding a Christmas tree



The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Buy me somethin'!
Get a job you bum!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Yo Ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh geez look at this!
One light goes out, they all go out!
And finding a Christmas tree


The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Mom I gotta go to the bathroom!
Charities
She's a witch, I hate her!
Five months of bills
Oh, I don't even know half these people!
Who's got the toilet paper?
Get a flashlight I blew a fuse!
And finding a Christmas tree


The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials,
Batteries not included
No parking
Waaaaaaaaaaah!
Charities
Gotta make 'em dinner
Five months of bills
I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
Shut up, you!
Fine! You're so smart, you rig up the lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
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