Monday, December 03, 2012
"The NYPD is apparently teaching its officers how to be more polite. It's true last time I got frisked, the cop was like, 'Have you lost weight?'" -Jimmy Fallon
A minor league ballplayer, left in charge of a baby cousin, suddenly realized that he did not have the least idea how to change a diaper. Frantically, he called a friend who was luckily a father.
The friend calmed down the ballplayer, then gave him the following instructions. "Place the diaper in the position of a baseball diamond, with you at bat. Fold second base over home plate. Place baby on pitcher's mound, then pin first base and third base at home plate!"
Helping me sort old clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she asked.
"It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It's for holding up stockings."
"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use it next Christmas Eve."