Monday, December 03, 2012
I was doing OK this morning. I got up early enough to get my bathing suit on, get dressed, have a cup of brewed coffee and some breakfast before heading to the Y for an aqua aerobics class with an instructor who shows no mercy! I did have to use my albuterol inhaler and knew that I would be ok during the class. Finally, I had the initiative, desire, knowledge that I had to get back, or whatever it was, I was back in the class, ready to work hard/
As soon as I went to put my weights and water bottle on the side of the pool a woman came up to me and oh, I know that she meant well, but she had the saddest hound dog look on her face, with the droppiest eys, and in a pitiful voice said, "How are you dear?" Well, until then I was fine but seeing the expression on her face and hearing that and pitiful tone of voice set me over an edge that I didn't even realize was near. All I could do was say, "Helen, I don't want to talk because I will cry" and I would have. It was all I could do to not cry.
Well, I guess that I have hurt another person's feelings and for that I am sorry. I don't mean to be rude or avoid them or not hug rhem but right now I just can't. The sad looks and voices and hugs just remind me of the tremendous loss of WONDERFUL, FUNNY, LOVING, DELIGHTFUL, SMART, INTELLIGENT, SEXY man with whom I was priviledged to love and still love. I am sorry that your feelings are hurt but I am still hurting so much.
You see, the wounds are still wide open and would be bleeding if possible and then the bof a man we knew was found 21 miles from shore. He had been washed out to sea while surf fishing and his son in law almost drowned trying to save him. Hearing the news that Bill's body was found shook me to the core again. As much as it did when I got the original news of his loss. This news just brought the sadness that I feel and the lonliness that surrounds me and empties me and devours me even more to the forefront of my emotions.
So, if you know someone who has lost a loved one, one so dear to them that they have a jagged torn open wound, please, please don't expect them to act "normal". Please understand if they don't want hugs, in fact, ask if you can hug them before reaching out to do so. Please, please don't act pitiful and pathetic. Yes, acknowledge their pain and heartache but don't make it worse by being pitiful. Be understanding, be loving, be helpful, but don't be a burden to them. Be there if they need you but don't hover either!