Monday, December 03, 2012
November was a blizzard of bullspit. I had absolutely no motivation, and then added an injury to that in the beginning of the month. Then, work went crazy and I was pulling 12-14 hour shifts every day. Of course, there was all the drama and trauma of C losing his job to deal with. Then, my brother lost his kid and his mind all in one swoop.
Well, it's December now, and I've got to start digging out of the emotional snow drift. The thing is, for the first time in MONTHS, I actually *feel like it.* I actually feel like exercising. I actually feel like being on Spark. I actually feel like eating good, healthy food and not a bunch of candy and junk. I actually FEEL like it.
So, I've got my mental shovel out and it's time to get to work. I'm going to back the exercise down from an hour to 30-40 minutes, because that's what I have time for. I've gained back 7 pounds over the last month, and I do have some work to do, but I also don't want to go overboard and end up right back where I was - exhausted, unmotivated, irritated.
C still doesn't have a job. It's not for lack of trying - he's giving it his all, and trying everything he can think of. He WANTS to work ... there just isn't anything out here for educated workers. All the jobs are construction or meat ... producing? Slaughter, basically. And fast food joints. He's never done construction, he absolutely WON'T do slaughter, and he's worked fast food before and hated it. Those are things I won't ask him to do.
He has one promising application and about 30 "pending" applications out there. We're really hoping he gets the job he applied for with Health & Human Services as a social service coordinator - he'd be helping people navigate state aide and other services. It pays well and has excellent benefits - and he has two friends that work there already and have been singing his praises to the HR department. That job would be a godsend, and one we badly need.
I feel positive about myself and my capabilities again - and that's something I haven't been able to say lately. I've felt more like a castaway, clinging helplessly to a sinking life raft... but now I'm back in the captain's chair. I know where I'm going. I know how to get there. And even if the sea gets rough, I know how to sail ... and I know that I know how.
I'm back, baby!