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Total Embarrassment

Sunday, December 02, 2012

Have you ever gone into performance mode just to survive? I had 7 children in my Sunday school class this morning and our class went well. Then, I made it through the first part of the service unscathed. However, we then sang a song that right now I can't even think of the title. As we were singing it, the words had to do with "sacrifice of love".....and right there on the platform in total sight of the entire congregation the tears just flowed. I couldn't stop. I bit my lip, stopped singing, closed my eyes and waiting for the song to end. I didn't want to look at anyone because I was pretty certain they were all staring at me. I tried to gain control but I couldn't. I knew it would be worse for me to bolt so I stood there, totally vulnerable and feeling trapped. What's worse is I'm the pastor. I am so thankful that it was my one day that I didn't have to preach. There was no way I could get up in front of everyone after that meltdown.

As soon as the song ended, it was time to leave the platform, so I graciously gathered my Bible, and walked out of the sanctuary with my head held high and escaped into the restroom. And after drying my eyes, I made my way to my seat. By the end of the service I was able to meet and greet the congregation at the door.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v FITNHEALTHYKAL
    Shannon, you have been embraced with wise words and it is so true. Your friends and church family want and NEED to see YOU. That is REAL and YOU are real. Thank you for that and not some plastic pastor that is too frequent in this world we live in sweetie. And you do know the stages of grief and you will go through them and back through them over and over until YOU are "there" (where ever "there" is). Yesterday, a photo on facebook had me crying about a dog that died two years ago Shannon.... emoticon
    1259 days ago
  • v QUILTINGB52
    There are many things withing the sanctuary walls that have triggered the tears to flow. To me, it's a safe environment to bare my soul.

    So let the tears flow, it's all part of the healing process and all who enter will surround you with love and understanding!
    1261 days ago
  • v MOMMA_BEAR_69
    You have no reason to be embarrassed, Shannon. Crying is an important part of the healing process. I'm sure many prayers were being lifted for you by any who noticed. You were in the right place for understanding...among your church family. There are many times I am in tears during our church services. Tears are cleansing and healing. HUGS!!!
    emoticon emoticon
    1261 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/9/2012 11:30:34 PM
  • v DANI05
    There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Shannon! You needed that good cry to help you process your feelings. I am sure your congregation could feel the pain you were in and the emptiness you were feeling. Cry if you need to. It is part of the healing process. wish I could be there and give you a hug!! emoticon
    1267 days ago
  • v TEKRU1
    Shannon - Anyone who knows you knows what you've been going through. I agree with Audra - they probably wanted to give you a hug and admired your strength and courage for letting them see the real you - rare indeed in this day and age.
    1267 days ago
  • v MGJARVI
    Those emotions are NOTHING to be embarrassed about. (especially with your church family) Perhaps the words were sung to you at that very moment for a very specific purpose, to let your congregation help you heal. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1267 days ago
  • v SUNNY332
    You are just human and I am sure the congregation understood.

    What a great place to be human and to show those feelings.

    God Bless you today and the days ahead. It is tough to loose a fur baby.

    Hugs to you, Sunny
    1268 days ago
  • v SPARKLINGHOPE
    emoticon
    1268 days ago
  • v HEIDISHOPE
    After my husband's plant closed in 2008 (he didn't find another job for 2 1/2 years!) I was so depressed, I cried through many a worship service and sermon whenever the topic was God cares for us through the hard times. Boo Hoo-ed like a grieving widow several times.

    That is what our church family is for---bare-bone honesty and support. I'm sure many in the congregation saw your pain and were lifting you in prayer at that moment even if they didn't know why you were upset or didn't understand. That is what we do for each other. (((hugs)))
    1268 days ago
  • v NEWSTART127
    There's nothing wrong with showing and sharing emotion. I'm sure those who noticed wished they could have given you a hug!
    1268 days ago
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