Sunday, December 02, 2012
I can't believe it's December again already. I'm not sure how I feel about this. The holidays aren't my favorite. At all. I'm usually good up until Thanksgiving, and then I would be happy just to turn the calendar to January 2. Last year was bad because I had just been through a painful breakup and, at the same time, my best friend was planning a wedding that I had to help with.
This year is not as bad. I'm in a better spot because I'm in better health and taking care of myself. The weird relationship that ended last fall is resurrecting a little bit, but I'm in a better spot about that too. I should say he's trying to resurrect it. So far I have been able to resist. But the reality has not changed: He's married and not going to leave. As much as he misses me and I miss him, that's the fact.
So. Another Christmas is coming, and I'm not that excited about it. I have some baking I want to do for others, but that sure is a dangerous position for me! I made two pecan pies over Thanksgiving and indulged in lots of scraps of pie dough and licks of the mixers.
I haven't done Christmas cards in like three years and feel like such a hermit/Scrooge because of it. I get so sad when I get friends' cards and there are photos of them and their kids and their animals and their vacations. I want to be married so badly, but I'm doing nothing to make that happen and in fact, since I am still in contact with my ex, i guess an argument could be made that I'm sabotaging myself.
Man ... I didn't mean for this blog to turn into such a sad sack story. This is maybe just a reason why I might be quieter than usual this month.
Come soon, 2013!