Sunday, December 02, 2012
Eating only when I'm hungry.
For years when I was little I had to eat what was given to me. Clean the plate. That is something I'm sure many can relate to.
But then if I loved the porkchops but was too full to eat more I would say, "I'll save a porkchop for later." But alas, I was told it would be eaten by then, so I either ate it then or not get any more later. So guess what I'd do? I'd eat it at that point in time, of course. When I was already full. Because it tasted so good. And it was not guaranteed to be there later.
So that lead to a devastatingly unhealthy way of eating. I just started putting two and two together on what was making me so big a couple years ago when I started to take this journey again.
And I'm somewhat unnerved by the fact that I get slight anxiety when my guy comes over to eat. That I won't have enough of my good food for leftovers. Because what if he eats it all? And I have to force myself not to eat more than I should. The nice thing is is that he knows that leftovers make perfect lunches so he makes sure I have at least a serving or two for leftovers. But it still causes some weird anxiety. I like to cook and he likes to eat, and I like to cook for him (and he's cooked for me, too) ....but it still boils down to the whole 'will he eat my last porkchop?' At this point in time I could make another if he did- I'm not a kid anymore. And I want him to be full (satisfied).
But it's something I need to work on. Even if it's good food....if I'm full I don't need to eat more. There will always be more where it came from.
And I don't know if anyone can relate to that at all.
So for a couple of weeks I've tried to live a little closer to a 'dish myself the food if I'm hungry, count it later' kind of thinking. And if I'm not hungry, I don't have to eat. Even if I don't hit my calorie limit of the day. I usually do.
So eating when I'm hungry is something I need to work on. Many foods are delicious and I could eat lots! But I always have to remember to stop when I'm full. And eat when I'm hungry.