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Oh no! I gained.

Sunday, December 02, 2012

Last week was supposed to be the week that I got back to losing weight. Three weeks ago I told myself that it was okay that I didn't lose any weight. At least I didn't gain right? Then Thanksgiving week came and of course I didn't lose. I thought, I have an excuse. So I told myself that I shouldn't expect to have lost again this last week, but I was shocked to have gained two pounds!

My first thought after weighing myself was about that one motivational poster. The one of a hand holding a pound of fat. It reads " Still think you only lost one pound?" Only it's two of those hand-fulls, and it's a gain. As depressing as it was, I just kind of glossed over it for a couple of hours. Then I decided to pick up the laptop and reinvest in this weight loss thing, here on my Spark page.

If I am really honest with myself, I would have to say that I am not at all surprised. Don't get me wrong, I am horrified that I backslid so easily, but I can't let that become my focus. The 'why' is important for me to realize more than the fear of the failure. Every now and then throughout the last three weeks I would catch myself saying, I really shouldn't be doing this. If I look back at the cumulative times I said that, It's no wonder that I gained. In the moment it just seemed like one little slip, but it added up to a total failure, especially this last week.

I often put those thoughts out of my mind until something happens to snap me out of it. The gain did the trick. This is my first gain since I started Spark People in late October. My last diet before SP ended with many weeks of that same cycle. I really thought that it wouldn't happen again this time. Now I know, no matter what kind of diet I try, I am at risk of losing focus.

I just didn't pay attention. Honestly, I was just so sick and tired of adding it all up, doing the work and denying myself that 'full' feeling. I couldn't be bothered to lift a finger to log my diet, read an article, or heaven forbid- do a workout.

I need to get control of myself. I can't do this on auto-pilot. I need the structure that SP gives me. I need to plan these things out and follow through. I would skip meals and think that I might be losing weight, when in reality I was justifying the overeating that followed. I would make Christmas cookies and tell myself that I had to eat a couple, or worse, that the cookies will be my lunch. Well that didn't work. If I eat a cookie as I make them for my family, I will need to savor ONE and only one. I could eat a super low-calorie healthy meal and then my cookie. That makes more sense.

I plain got lazy about the exercise. I didn't exercise even one day. If I planned to workout, I knew I wouldn't do it. I told myself that I was saving myself from setting myself up for failure. This would prevent me from labeling myself a failure, but I didn't realize how I defeated myself before I even started. I have a hard time doing what I say I will do with exercise. I know that the best way to start seeing myself as a success is to follow through with my goals and to be careful not to let myself fail, otherwise that's what I become in my mind.

I also used my back pain as an excuse when I wasn't even hurting that badly. Shame on me. Now I am stiff from not moving around and it will be even harder to get going. I will have to keep starting all over if I can't manage to get into some kind exercise routine. I will have to look up some motivational articles or something. No more excuses. I just have to require myself to make it a priority.

The biggest mistake I made was not planning or logging my food. Sometimes I went several days before logging my nutrition. I would fill it out, but way after the fact. I probably wouldn't have back-slid nearly as far had I kept up with the log on a daily basis. not logging daily worked against me in a big way. When I started SP it was because I had heard a statistic somewhere. It said that people lose 20% more weight when they log their meals, then those who don't. So I went to SP to start using the nutrition tracker, and at first I was great at it. I thought I found the one thing I was missing. I had the key to weight loss and I would never gain weight again. I will lose so much weight. After I kept putting off the log, one day turned into three and I ended up eating five hundred to a thousand more calories per day then when I logged daily. This must end starting now.

The honeymoon may be over. I knew this time would come. I had my first failure after being introduced to SP, but now my resolve to stick to the program is becoming stronger in a consistent way and I am happy about that. It's a new month, and a new week. Here I go! Time to get back to work. I want to be a success in both diet and exercise when I make my next blog entry. Again, no more excuses!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    That is a lot of insightful self-analysis. Just by thinking through what you've done or are doing to sabotage yourself is a learning experience. I think even if you've back-slid in behaviors for a few weeks you can easily get back on the horse.

    I'm going thru a similiar thing that you are. That you gained only a couple pounds? Means you probably learned more about portion, etc than you thought you did! If you ate salty foods or chips, that could also have added water weight. I'd say don't ruminate over it, just get back on the track. I think you're doing great. Self-awareness is a huge step.

    1753 days ago
    You can do this. You mentioned two things that stand out for me --you mentioned DENYING yourself that full feeling - my question is WHY DENY?? I mean that I too WANT that FULL feeling, so I do NOT deny it, I simply eat foods that are lower in calories and fat BUT that have lots of fiber and give me the feeling without the calories. Some simple changes like eating WHOLE GRAINS, fruits and veggies, etc. instead of white bread, fruit juice, etc. The other thing you mentioned was the tracker and logging food and exercise - you are right that statistics show that people who keep track stay on track and lose more. One problem I have with tracking is that sometimes I want to eat things BUT I don't want to track them - because I KNOW they will put me over my calories, fats, or carbs for the day. I have learned that when I track EVEN THE stuff that puts me OVER I eat less of the EXTRA than I might have AND it breaks the lying to myself cycle.

    You can do this and you can succeed. You have PROVEN you are NOT a failure by simply coming back and writing this blog, Congratulations! That in itself is a success to build on. Hang in there and you will see the progress you want soon.
    1753 days ago
    emoticon You had some bad days, but you recognize that and the choices you made, and now you want to be healthy! Good for you! You can do this because you are worth it! We all make excuses believe me! I do it every day! The key is recognizing when your doing it, and then putting a stop to it! If you have to, keep healthy food with you at all times, and then when temptation comes along, you can eat the healthy choices instead! If you need any help, I am always here. Just contact me because I can always be a Spark buddy! Have a blessed day and keep up the good work! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1753 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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