Sunday, December 02, 2012
Last week was supposed to be the week that I got back to losing weight. Three weeks ago I told myself that it was okay that I didn't lose any weight. At least I didn't gain right? Then Thanksgiving week came and of course I didn't lose. I thought, I have an excuse. So I told myself that I shouldn't expect to have lost again this last week, but I was shocked to have gained two pounds!
My first thought after weighing myself was about that one motivational poster. The one of a hand holding a pound of fat. It reads " Still think you only lost one pound?" Only it's two of those hand-fulls, and it's a gain. As depressing as it was, I just kind of glossed over it for a couple of hours. Then I decided to pick up the laptop and reinvest in this weight loss thing, here on my Spark page.
If I am really honest with myself, I would have to say that I am not at all surprised. Don't get me wrong, I am horrified that I backslid so easily, but I can't let that become my focus. The 'why' is important for me to realize more than the fear of the failure. Every now and then throughout the last three weeks I would catch myself saying, I really shouldn't be doing this. If I look back at the cumulative times I said that, It's no wonder that I gained. In the moment it just seemed like one little slip, but it added up to a total failure, especially this last week.
I often put those thoughts out of my mind until something happens to snap me out of it. The gain did the trick. This is my first gain since I started Spark People in late October. My last diet before SP ended with many weeks of that same cycle. I really thought that it wouldn't happen again this time. Now I know, no matter what kind of diet I try, I am at risk of losing focus.
I just didn't pay attention. Honestly, I was just so sick and tired of adding it all up, doing the work and denying myself that 'full' feeling. I couldn't be bothered to lift a finger to log my diet, read an article, or heaven forbid- do a workout.
I need to get control of myself. I can't do this on auto-pilot. I need the structure that SP gives me. I need to plan these things out and follow through. I would skip meals and think that I might be losing weight, when in reality I was justifying the overeating that followed. I would make Christmas cookies and tell myself that I had to eat a couple, or worse, that the cookies will be my lunch. Well that didn't work. If I eat a cookie as I make them for my family, I will need to savor ONE and only one. I could eat a super low-calorie healthy meal and then my cookie. That makes more sense.
I plain got lazy about the exercise. I didn't exercise even one day. If I planned to workout, I knew I wouldn't do it. I told myself that I was saving myself from setting myself up for failure. This would prevent me from labeling myself a failure, but I didn't realize how I defeated myself before I even started. I have a hard time doing what I say I will do with exercise. I know that the best way to start seeing myself as a success is to follow through with my goals and to be careful not to let myself fail, otherwise that's what I become in my mind.
I also used my back pain as an excuse when I wasn't even hurting that badly. Shame on me. Now I am stiff from not moving around and it will be even harder to get going. I will have to keep starting all over if I can't manage to get into some kind exercise routine. I will have to look up some motivational articles or something. No more excuses. I just have to require myself to make it a priority.
The biggest mistake I made was not planning or logging my food. Sometimes I went several days before logging my nutrition. I would fill it out, but way after the fact. I probably wouldn't have back-slid nearly as far had I kept up with the log on a daily basis. not logging daily worked against me in a big way. When I started SP it was because I had heard a statistic somewhere. It said that people lose 20% more weight when they log their meals, then those who don't. So I went to SP to start using the nutrition tracker, and at first I was great at it. I thought I found the one thing I was missing. I had the key to weight loss and I would never gain weight again. I will lose so much weight. After I kept putting off the log, one day turned into three and I ended up eating five hundred to a thousand more calories per day then when I logged daily. This must end starting now.
The honeymoon may be over. I knew this time would come. I had my first failure after being introduced to SP, but now my resolve to stick to the program is becoming stronger in a consistent way and I am happy about that. It's a new month, and a new week. Here I go! Time to get back to work. I want to be a success in both diet and exercise when I make my next blog entry. Again, no more excuses!