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    CHICCHANTAL   29,249
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Sunday, December 02, 2012

Ah, the delicate art of putting things off. I wrote the book. Or rather, I will when I get around to it.

Take my housework.

Off my hands. Please.

No no no, I've been good today really. I started off intending to do a Lucy on the kitchen. Doing a Lucy is a phrase known only to me and one of my colleagues. It refers to a character called Lucy Eyelesbarrow in Agatha Christies '4.50 from Paddington'. Lucy is a sort of super-housekeeper, the kind of person you get in when the staff have all walked out and you yourself can't boil water.

I have never been in the position of having staff to walk out or being able to afford a Lucy or even a Mrs Mopp. I boil my own water (using an electric kettle that knows when to switch itself off. I understand these things are rare in the States. How on earth do you manage? Please don't tell me you don't drink tea. That's impossible. EVERYONE drinks tea.)

I've lost the thread a bit. Where was I? Oh yes, planning to do a Lucy on the kitchen. If I 'do a Lucy' it means I'm doing it all myself.

Didn't happen. No, not because I put it off but because the rest of my flat was so minging doing a Lucy on the kitchen would actually have been a luxury.

Here, for those of you for whom the phrase 'too much information' is redundant, is what I did this morning, pre-disaster. More on the disaster in a moment, but to titillate your minds, there's a cat involved.

Of course.

Where was . . . oh, the list. Of what I did:

- take sheets off bed and shove in washing machine. Remember, belatedly, to switch WM on
- sort pile of dry washing and put away what doesn't need ironing (most of it, in my book)
- lug ironing pile into sitting room and switch on iron. At this point large cat leaves. He hates the noise the iron makes, the rattle of coathangers and the creak of the ironing board
- do ironing. Prove to self that I can still iron six shirts in half an hour, if I'm not too fussy about the shoulders and believe me darlings, I'm not
- then do last night's washing up. And the night before's
- clean kitchen sink, draining board, dish rack, washing up bowl, windowsill. There'll be a blue moon tonight
- tidy junk out of sitting room. Express surprise to self at amount of junk. Didn't realise I even owned this much, and yet here it all is, in the sitting room
- dust sitting room and realise it is some time since I did this. Really quite a long time
- take washing out of washing machine, hang it outside. The washing that has been out overnight is crisp. This is not because it is dry, but because it has frozen. Heave sigh
- put more washing in washing machine. I've got a backlog, owing to the amount of rain we've had
- sit down to sew up moth-hole in cashmere jumper and replace buttons that have come off tonight's duvet cover. The buttons have needed doing for at least four years so today's a big day
- observe large cat, who has returned and is sitting on sofa looking . . . . ah

ah. Aha.

Looking AS THOUGH HE HAS BEEN IN A FIGHT. He has tufts of fur sticking up and mutinous expression on his face.

Go into CATastrophe mode.

Lock cat flap, observing as do so that it is mucky. Collar cat, who swears. Put cat on sitting room table. Fetch bowl of hot water and salt from kitchen, cotton wool from bedroom. Carry these into sitting room. Collar cat, who swears, from kitchen. Carry cat into sitting room. Put cat on sitting room table. Add salt to bowl of water and stir. Collar cat, who swears, from bathroom. Carry cat into sitting room. Put cat on sitting room table.

Start feeling cat all over. Remove loose tufts of fur. After about ten minutes, during which cat gets increasingly testy, find bloody bit. Bathe with salt water which has now gone cold. Cat yowls. Tell cat shutupit'syourownfault. Take fresh bit of cotton wool. Bathe again. Continue till cotton wool is used up and cat has turned into alien.

Unhand cat, who takes off at Mach 3 for the kitchen. And much good may it do him, the catflap is still locked.

Enter kitchen and decide to clean catflap (covered in layer of catsnot and catfur). Squirt with lemon-flavoured kitchen cleaner. Straighten up to get brush to scrub catflap with and in the 10 seconds that back is turned the bloody cat shoves his nose in the lemon scented foam in the attempt to get through the locked catflap.

Collar cat, who swears. Carry cat into sitting room. Put cat on sitting room table. Wash cat's nose. Shut cat in sitting room, return to kitchen, finish cleaning catflap, open catflap, open sitting room door, watch cat's dust disappear on the horizon.

Sit down in ladylike manner and complete interrupted mending.

Vacuum floors, wash floors, and decide . . .


PS: the cat is back, and sleeping it all off


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SERASARA 1/2/2013 9:14PM

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KAYYAK1 12/11/2012 11:24AM

  You made my morning start with a huge laugh and also some determination to get busy in my house that is long overdue for so attention. Hope my 2 cats will behave though. One is a trouble maker at times.
Thanks for your blog.

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TREE57 12/11/2012 9:46AM

    WOO-WEE that's a whole lot of happenings! emoticon

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FIRECOM 12/11/2012 9:30AM

    I was going to repost yesterday but I just get around to it. emoticon

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SANDYLH1 12/8/2012 5:22PM


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MELAFYAIYAI 12/8/2012 10:54AM

    You have an absolutely wonderful perspective! You have inspired me with my own "to do" list here in the States. First to finish my coffee, though. emoticon

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BEATLETOT 12/7/2012 10:34PM

    This was an absolutely delightful blog. I will have to look into the book you mention.

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CINDYBEL 12/7/2012 2:20PM

I love Lucy Eyelesbarrow. My husband, 2nd daughter and I have all read 4.5 from Paddington. We love Agatha Christie. We also own lots of cats, 9 between the 3 of us and my oldest daughter has 2. So, 11 total in the family.
I really enjoy reading your blogs.

Cindy from dry west Texas. emoticon

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JAMER123 12/6/2012 9:16PM

    Love it!! It sounds like my lifestyle!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RASIRE 12/6/2012 3:54PM

  So funny! Good post.

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LEXIE63 12/6/2012 2:12PM

    Story rivals 'giving a cat a pill' LOL

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PDSLIM 12/6/2012 1:23PM

    Cute but long

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THEIS58 12/6/2012 12:02PM


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LETHANIA 12/6/2012 10:34AM

    I'm tired just reading about it!

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BKNOCK 12/6/2012 9:21AM

    Great blog! You really made me laugh!

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WALLINMW 12/6/2012 8:33AM

  Great blog!

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NYKIMMIE 12/6/2012 8:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

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STEADFASTNSEE 12/6/2012 8:13AM

  Do you have MY cat!?? emoticon I loved this! This was so cool. (as I sit here with tears in my eyes apologizing to Rascal (mine) From a fellow cat owner and procrastinator! HUGS

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KAREN608 12/6/2012 2:45AM

    Get thee some permanent press shirts!

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REENIE131 12/5/2012 10:37PM

    Great blog!

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LIBBYL1 12/5/2012 10:29PM

  I don't know Lucy but that sounds like a superwoman day!

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MANILUS 12/5/2012 7:42PM

    Sounds like a fun cat!

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SUNSHINE102466 12/5/2012 7:20PM

    Loved the blog!! emoticon

The last time I got my iron and board out (about 2 years ago), my 9 year old looked at it and asked me what it was because she had never seen one before. Sad!

Comment edited on: 12/5/2012 7:25:49 PM

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GINA180847 12/5/2012 4:37PM

    Your cat sounds like my husband with all the swearing.

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LUCINDARW 12/5/2012 3:19PM

    I love your blog! Sounds a little like me. I bet your were all wore out after that kind of day. Hope you cat recovers and forgives you! Have a great journey where ever it leads you! Lucinda

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LOVEMYBODY2012 12/5/2012 10:20AM

    This blog was a riot! I'm still wiping away tears of laughter! I hear you about procrastination, Flylady and I are working on getting rid of the clutter and getting a routine but oh my what an uphill battle!

You are such a good writer, these cat tales could be a book!


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JUSGETTENBY42 12/5/2012 9:44AM


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JUNEAU2010 12/4/2012 11:00PM

    A million moves ago, I had a complete collection of Agatha Christie books.
I had to laugh about your cat - I know what that's like!

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JIBBIE49 12/4/2012 7:16PM

    emoticon Congrats. Great to see you blog featured in the Spark Mail. What an honor. emoticon

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GRAMPIAN 12/4/2012 4:18PM

  Enjoyed your story. emoticon

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TUBJUMPER 12/4/2012 2:50PM

    I can boil water but I got a "tea pot" that heats the water and turns itself off. It comes in handy. I love it!!

It sounds like you had a rough day. I would have given up and taken a nap, let the cat clean his own stupid self.

Great blog!!

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BIG-SHOOTER 12/4/2012 2:09PM

    Great post.... Leave it up here for a while I'm sure I'll get a round to finishing it soon.....

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POWER2XCEL 12/4/2012 2:09PM


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KIMBOLEAN 12/4/2012 1:01PM


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ROSGETSSERIOUS 12/4/2012 12:23PM

    What a day!! emoticon

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DABLUECAT 12/4/2012 12:08PM

    Ah a fellow sufferer of purranoia - the fear that my cat is up to something!

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TMCK-40 12/4/2012 10:58AM


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FARIS71 12/4/2012 10:54AM

    That is a month's worth of activity. You must feel exhausted but quite accomplished. Well done!

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JELLYBELLY221 12/4/2012 10:41AM

    I can't believe that you actually rubbed salt into your cat's wounds!! YIKES!!! I am not sure you will be up for cat-mother of the year. Poor kitty. I bet he wishes you would have procrastinated on that chore. LOL!! You do write a funny story.


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FIRECOM 12/4/2012 10:26AM

    Wonderful post. I am very grateful that you didn't "put it off till another day". Thanks for a smile.

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CHANGINGELAINE 12/4/2012 10:03AM

    Thanks for my morning smile!!

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LJOYCE55 12/4/2012 8:29AM

  I got tired just reading your blog. I don't think I have ever done that much housework in a single day unless I had company coming over. You should submit these blogs to a local paper for publication - they are a riot. emoticon

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IMEMINE1 12/4/2012 8:08AM

    Great day. emoticon

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AJB121299 12/4/2012 8:02AM


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LUVWINTER 12/4/2012 7:51AM

    Reading your blog = Procrastination

But I enjoyed every minute of it. I actually smiled. In the morning. How weird.

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WATERDIAMONDS 12/4/2012 7:23AM

    You have a wonderful story-telling ability. Perhaps you could write a book someday???

That is, of course, if you don't put off doing so...

Thanks for the grins and giggles.

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1DRWOMAN 12/4/2012 5:16AM

    My grandparents from Germany raised me in the states SoI grew up with an electric water kettle! :) I love it. Now that I live in New Zealand it's everywhere. When I stay in a hotel in NZ or Aussie I take pics of it and get really annoyed that there's no ice bucket and ice machine! Frustrating actually! In the states they usually use the kettles that they put on the stove :) we like tea...especially iced lmao! Thanks for another entertaining blog! :)

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DUBLINROSE 12/4/2012 5:06AM

    I am really bad at procrastinating emoticon Its one of my worst habits. I feel tired just reading your blog emoticon but sitting here reading this in my dressing gown it has made me realise that I am doing it yet again and putting off my daily walk so I'm going to go out NOW and do it.

Thank you for the kick I needed emoticon

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00KITTY 12/4/2012 2:51AM

    Great post, so entertaining. I don't have a cat, but I can definitely relate to all the chores. pheeew! emoticon

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