Just let me be me....
Saturday, December 01, 2012
today is R&R day for me. LOVE IT!! I do have energy but I know if I do one today come next week I will feel like a slug
so I will behave myself and have an R&R day. And its my cheat day (1 meeal only) and I am having pizza
and apple crisp with a bit of frozen vanilla yogurt
I just realized something the other day...I realized that I was feeling out of control of my own life...you see my mother lives with me and for years before she had moved in I was highlighting my hair a platinum blonde...but when mom moved in she told me she didn't like the color and it didn't suit my face...so I tried to change to save a spat as I really don't like fighting with my mother..it just doesn't feel right
but every time I tried a different color it always had a red tinge to it..and I really didn't like it...but she did...so I lived with it for over 2 years trying to make her happy..everyone else asked what I did to my hair that they liked it beter the other color but I wanted mom happy...so just last week I had to die it again as my blonde mousey roots were showing and I thought enough! I want my own color hair back! ( this was after my nephew had asked me " auntie do you like having orange hair? I liked it better blonde"....but I told him mom liked it better the color it was and he said to that"auntie what do you think of your hair? You should do it for yourself and nobody else..not even grandma" You know he is right!) so I bought a highlight frost box and my sister did it for me (she always did it in the past and it was never orange...twice I had gone to a hairddreser and both times it turned orange so when I do get it frosted it comes out of the box and my sister does it!)and I felt like myself for the first time in 2 years! And you know what? After I made myself happy and quit worrying about what mom would think about my hair...I felt like myself!!
and with this feeling I seemed to have gotten control of who I am! And that person is strong and in control!!!! It seems that it is easier for me to say no to bad foods now...silly I know but maybe thats all it was....I just needed to be me again and not just my mom's daughter!
Just let me be me!