Saturday, December 01, 2012
It's day 7 of this week, and I feel so great about my accomplishments this week. I had mostly good days (Monday--not so good), and I'm finished in less than seven hours. I woke up this morning with a little bit on my mind, and I felt that I could just stay in bed and try to sleep away what was going on in my head. Instead, I got up, had breakfast, and got online. When I was struggling with another emotion-feeding substance, I would just have to hit a meeting to get a new outlook. As I have mentioned in other blog entries, I use SP the same way.
However, I'm still down in the dumps, and I don't want to feel these emotions. There are a few things I know will take it away for the moment, but those things will then make me feel like crap later and at any minute could turn into something I will have a hard time controlling. I just want to cry and cry, but I don't want my little girls to see me this way. I know exercise will help, but I just don't feel like it right at this time. I will walk tonight with my husband, since we have set a small goal for ourselves (5 days/week for two weeks in a row). Just not now.
I just don't know what to do when I just want the world to go away. Of course, it keeps on knocking and that knocking just gets louder the longer I spend at this computer, but I'm afraid to move from here because I don't want to be where I'm so afraid to be--with myself and my thoughts.
Not much more to say for now. I just hope I can get through the day without too much anxiety.