Friday, November 30, 2012
Many boxes are packed. We know which furniture I'm taking. I finished my last day of work. I got many presents and a severance. We know who the friends who are helping us load are.
It's been a whirlwind of a month. I've been a little sad, really excited, ready, anticipatory, happy, scared, amazed and excited (worth two mentions). As things start to wind down on this side, and I go careening to that inevitable point where I get in the truck, drive away from my house and my exchange student, then leave my husband at a bus station for I don't know how long, I am now feeling just one emotion.
I am so effing, overwhelmingly sad.
I mean, like, artistically sad. I understand why Van Gogh cut off his ear. I get why Kurt Cobain did heroin. I comprehend why George Harrison just wanted to be left alone. The profundity of my sadness is vast.
How can I do this? How can I go away?
I have dinner here in a little bit. I imagined a happy dinner with friends, food, adult beverages...a crappy weigh-in tomorrow, but general good feeling. This hit me like an oncoming car. I had no idea it would hurt like this. But it really, really hurts.