Friday, November 30, 2012
Who seriously would have thought that it was easier to shop in the Plus department than the Regular department? I wouldn't have! But, it was! We're going to the first baby shower in the family on Sunday. I don't want to look like a slump wearing jeans, so I went to JCPenny in hopes of finding something to wear.
On Wednesday, I had gone into Fashion Bug in hopes of finding a good deal there. I pulled some size 14 dress slacks off the racks to try on. I've been wearing my size 14 jeans that have been in storage, but somehow I don't think my brain really thought that I was wearing a smaller size. It's almost as though they weren't really a smaller size because they weren't "new". The 14's fit and I honestly think they looked fabulous. Now, for me to say that is really something else. It's a rare occasion over the past number of years that I actually thought that I looked good. When I would find that perfect Plus size shirt that didn't cling to me and covered all of my fat rolls, I would be content! I didn't buy any of the pants that I tried on, though. Mike was going to his mother's on Thursday, so I thought I'd find an outfit, possibly, at JCPenny.
Right after work on Thursday, Bethany and I headed off to the mall. I pulled off the racks different styles and colors of size 14 dress pants plus blouses and sweaters to go with them. Off to the dressing room with arms loaded we went. None of the tops seemed to fit me the right way. Either they were too clingy, too long, or too big. Two pairs of dress slacks fit me perfectly! One pair was black and the other was grey. The grey pair were a big loose all over so I went out and got a 12's just for Ha-Ha's. They fit! They didn't look very good, but I easily could have worn them with an over sized shirt!
With hopes that I had missed the "perfect" top, I left Bethany in the changing room to play with my phone and headed back out to the racks. This time I looked at everything differently. It struck me that I was shopping in the regular women's department and having a difficult time. I kept saying to myself, "who would have thought?" Yes. Who would have thought that after all these years walking by those beautiful regular size clothes that I was dying to wear on the way to the Plus size section, that I would have trouble finding something?
Arms full and hopes high, I headed back into the changing room for round 2. A few of the tops were long and baggie. Last year at this time, I would have given almost anything to even have these tops fit, and here I was being dissatisfied because they were TOO BIG & LOOSE! That was my criteria not too long ago! In my head, I wanted a shirt that hung about half way down my stomach and was loose without being baggy. I tried on a blue and green sweater that I loved. It fit me just right! The problem was that I couldn't find any navy pants to go with it! I made a few more attempts in and out of the dressing room, but had to give in.
Finally, I found a pair in size 14 navy dress pants. I went back for the last time into the changing room, but alas, they were TOO BIG! As I stared at myself in the mirror in utter disbelief, I realized I was staring at a completely different person inside as well as out than I've been in a long time. I continued to stare at myself and remembered the last time I went shopping for dress pants I had also stared in the mirror. The difference was that I was crying as I was looking at myself as tears ran down my fat face because the size 16W wouldn't zip. At the time, I did not want to buy anything bigger than 16W. I looked at myself remembering how upset I was that I was going to have to wear jeans to whatever event I was going to. It was probably Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I don't remember which. I do remember standing watching as tears fell down my face not recognizing that woman in the mirror.
I purchased the black size 14 dress pants because I thought they looked great on me plus the green and blue sweater than I also like. At home, I tried on the sweater with a pair of size 16 navy dress pants I owned. The pants sagged a bit, but I could probably wear them for just the one event. The way my diet is going, the 14's (hopefully) won't fit for long anyways.
I keep saying it because I keep feeling it, but something has changed inside which is causing the outside to change. There's a new improved person emerging and it's good.