Thursday, November 29, 2012
You know the one. The one that tells you you aren't worthy, aren't worth it, shouldn't bother. The one that asks how on EARTH did you let yourself get like this?
The one who tells you that when your gonna-someday-be-husband goes to the gym, he's not going to get "healthy" for himself. He's doing it to scope out someone who is hot and clearly cares more about herself than you do...someone with confidence, a fabulous sense of humor, and no baggage.
The one that, when you have a fleeting thought about maybe trying CrossFit or starting to run again or going to yoga, laughs at you, loudly..and then the cackling echoes.
The one that tells you you'll fail anyway if you try to eat better, cook healthier, work out more often, even if it's just a small workout (because the other voice says that every little bit helps). Look how well you've done with that in the past?
That voice that says no matter how hard you work, how well you eat, how often you exercise, how well you sleep, nothing will ever change. Your "fat pants" will just get tighter, and all the things you hate about your body will never go away anyway.
The voice that tells you that you'll never have kids of your own, in part because you're entirely to old now--your eggs have been elderly since you were 28--and in part because you'd be a rotten mother and it's natures way of ensuring you don't breed.
The voice that says that Katy Perry and all the others who use Spanx are just saying it to the media because they feel sorry for women who actually NEED it to look somewhat normal in clothes.
The voice that says "marathon" is not something you should even consider--you can't even make it a mile.
The voice that tells you if you let any emotions out, let anyone know you are hurting, regardless of why, they will just call you a whiner and tell you to suck it up. What you feel doesn't really matter.
When I left work today, I did it at a reasonable hour...I didn't bring anything home...it has been a really good week...and I was happy.
That voice got me within about an hour of being at home. *sigh* And I've been listening to it ever since. Can't get it to shut up.