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It's the most (you file in the blank) time of the year...

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I struggle with what I think is a form of SAD (season affect disorder). Only it is not because of the lack of light, or whatever, it is a lack of something, something I feel I am missing as the holiday's approach and the year comes to an end. Unfulfilled accomplishments, hopes, dreams, a longing for a sense of belonging. It always comes to ahead right around Thanksgiving and I usually can put it to rest after the new year. This year, I have tried to get ahead of it, and for the most part I have been doing pretty good, but I feel myself slipping. Why do I slip, why do I feel my life is less important then it should be, why do I think I never accomplish anything? As I was pondering those thoughts, it got me thinking about something that crossed my mind this weekend after a silly repeat encounter with a "boy". I said to myself, "next year at this time, I am going to have a relationship and be 20 pounds thinner" cause "that will show him".....Then I thought, why do I care what he thinks, he doesn't even like me (at least not for anything but S_X) and I know that (I have needs too) but again why do I care, and further, why do I need to be anything more then I am right now, to find someone who really likes me...what I am waiting for. I can't fulfill hopes and dreams and accomplishments if I am constantly waiting, waiting to be skinny, more secure in myself, financially secure, longer hair, whatever, the list could go on! Why am I waiting for the new year to start my life. Well, it is what I do...I keep putting everything off. My life, I am putting it off for something I think I need to be or do...See SAD....

I know I am not going to change over night but I am ready to make some changes....

Stay tuned...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    i find this to be the most 'stressful' time of year. all the expectations of myself. i truely hate the christmas season more every year. my birthday is 2 weeks before thanksgiving, and evry year as my birthday approaches i start becoming more and more anxious. it doesnt let up until the day after chirstmas, then im fine. i hate all the shopping and buying and judgement of what you do or dont buy. its sickening. so i have sworn off buying christmas presents for anyone but my daughter, i cant handle the stress of the expectations i have of myself and of what i think people will think of me. its stupid. and it is sad to put your life on hold for a 'relationship'. its not worth it. you are single and can go wherever whenever you want. gosh, that makes me jealous!
    1908 days ago
    1914 days ago
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