Thursday, November 29, 2012
As this work week comes to an end, I have finally been granted a little bit of breathing space to reflect upon things. I cannot believe how crazy busy it has been here this week! It seems like the week has flown by in a whirlwind flurry of activity, as students are getting more and more desperate to get their last minute assignments done and prepare for exams. I am afraid it has worn me out, and I am really looking forward to the holiday break which is coming up for me in just over three weeks. Yes, I am already doing the countdown. Even though I had a vacation not too long ago, I have already lost the positive effects of it, and I am feeling like I need the chance to replenish my energies once again.
Ever since I have written my last blog entry, I have been a little bit embarrassed about how candid I was about everything. I have mellowed out considerably since then, thank the Goddess! That day, and the next few days after were quite black for me. I didn't write about it, but I had another big binge on Sunday evening, and a mini binge on Monday evening. But the past three days have been okay, and I think I have got the junk food cravings under control again, at least for now. I have also been exercising regularly again, and I know that has also helped to improve my spirits. I have made an interesting discovery about myself: exercise really does help elevate my mood. Although I am sure that part of my downfall on the weekend was hormonal, I think a big part of it was also caused by the fact that I wasn't able to exercise much the week before because of my pulled hamstring. But as soon as I got a few intense workouts in, I felt much much better, even if they were extremely difficult to get through.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over 20 years now. I have tried many different ways of dealing with it, therapies, self-help, and most of all several different medications, both prescribed and otherwise. Nothing really seemed to help for a very long time. Most prescriptions had too many negative side effects and left me feeling numb. I never really meshed with any therapists. And I think I never really had the willpower to help myself. The drugs and alcohol I have experimented with over the years offered only temporary relief from my personal demons. But ever since I have started exercising and eating better, I have been lowering my meds, and have been feeling so much better for the most part, mood wise. Of course, I still get attacks at times, but they are not as severe, nor do they last as long. I am really hoping that these lifestyle changes I have been making are the cause of my better moods, rather than it just being a cycle in my life where I have been feeling much better (which has happened - these things are definitely cyclical for me...) Whatever it is, I am enjoying it while it lasts, because before, the way I was feeling on the weekend would usually last for at least weeks, not a few days. Knock on wood.
I feel kind of strange writing about this, because I know what a stigma there is against mental illness. People either disregard it, and tell you that everything is just in your head, or they treat you like a pariah. Anyhow, I don't really care what people think, it's just that I'm private about these things, or I have been, up until now, It is kind of therapeutic for me, however, to write about it, so yay me!
So on a completely different note, I'm nervously excited because tomorrow I have an appointment to pick out all the finishes and upgrades for my new condo. It's kind of surreal that I'll be doing this. It feels so adult. I'm 35 and I've never owned property, only ever lived with family or rented. So this is all new and scary to me. And it's making me realize that I REALLY need to take control of my finances, because before I know it, I'm going to have all these new expenses that I never had before. Ahhhh! See, there's my anxiety acting up again!
Anyhow, I just realized what time it is and that I have a couple of things left to wrap up here at work before I go. I hope everybody has a great weekend!