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    JCBRITT   14,511
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STRUGGLING TO FIND CONSISTENCY AND CONTROL

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I feel like it has been a constant struggle the past 4-5 months. Sometimes I feel like I'm just hanging on to a tigers tail and getting whipped around. Seems liked it happened about the time we had our wonderful flood. The house is still torn apart for mostly reasons that are out of anyone's control. Shortly after it happened the wonderful concession stand committment began. A worthy cause that I am proud to say led to raising around 12K for the marching band in just 4 months. I am not an island and could not have accomplished it alone, but I was at all but 1 event which leads me to the past couple of weeks. I was so relieved that our football team lost in the playoffs the Friday 2 weeks before Thanksgiving so I could have my life back and start getting some me time. So I did start going back to the gym, running, yoga, bootcamp for just a short time. Two weeks before that time my dh's grandmother was admitted to the hospital. A dear lady that took me and my children in like her own...treated sometimes better than my own blood..but that is also because dh is the only child/grandchild on his mother's side and therefore was the center of attention..which radiated to include me and my kids when we got married. The stay at the hospital was for severe UTI and bladder infection which after a few days was under control but she still wasn't feeling good. Shortly thereafter we received a call that she was diagnosed with brain cancer. I told dh he needed to go see her asap..he was closer to her than his own mother but that is another story..and he headed to the shore and spent time with her. After several days they sent her home to hospice and said a few weeks to month..she said she was ready to go home (to heaven)..DH headed down Thursday before Thanksgiving, so he could see her first thing Friday morning. He received a call at 4am that morning that she had passed. We headed down on Saturday and the drama and STRESS began 1. DH threw his back out while sneezing in shower and hobbled around in severe pain the rest of the week which led to very little sleep. 2. His ex, his aunt's ex, and a few others showed up to the funeral uninvited. 3. You see sides of people you don't normally see when someone passes away. 4. to we were stretched for time and stayed at my dads for a couple of nights 5. DH made Thanksgiving dinner for his grandfather and aunt and then we had Thanksgiving again in Delaware for his son and his ex's daugher/kids since they weren't invited to his granfathers 5. We came home Saturday so we could get ready to go back to school and work.
DH got a partial adjustment on Monday and was finally doing better but also came down with a cold so he coughed in the middle of the night Tuesday and threw it out again worse..to the point he could not get out of bed (STRESS). I had never seen him in so much pain and helpless and I could only help very little until he got back to the chiropractor. I am so weary from stress and lack of sleep I have absolutely no motivation for myself. I am coping by diving into my kindle in the evening, but I still drag myelf out of bed in the morning. I don't get excited about the holidays. I put on a happy face for the kids but in all honestly it makes me a little blue. This Christmas will be harder with dh grandmother gone for us all. I just want some peace and calm in my life so I can catch up my sleep and can prepare for the holidays.
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KOFFEENUT 11/29/2012 10:44PM

    Take some time for yourself. You and your family HAVE been under a lot of stress, and it takes more time to recover from the loss of someone you love than many people realize. This Christmas WILL be harder, and some of the time you'll be sad. But you'll build some good memories, too. Hang in there.

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