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I'm starting to think...

Thursday, November 29, 2012

That I'm destined to be fat. I've gained 50 pounds in the past 6 months. That's all the weight I had lost plus like 15 more pounds. I've been trying my hardest to get back on track for months. Nothing works, and I just keep gaining more weight. I tried the baby steps thing (adding back in only water, cutting out soda, eating healthy meals) and it still falls. I'll eat healthy for half a day and then gorge at night. I make awesome plans to work out the next morning (even if only for 10 minutes!) and by the time I get up the next morning, the motivation has vanished and I go back to my sick cycle of crap food and feeling disgusting. I'm 232 pounds now. I feel like I'm so fat that I'm smothering, like my fat is preventing me from breathing.

And then I got mad at my boyfriend today. I told him when we first started dating (almost 2 months ago) that I wanted to get back into working out and losing weight, and he said he would support me. He asked me earlier this morning what I was going to be doing for the rest of the day. I said nothing, pretty much sitting on my ass. He asked me if I was gonna go walking to exercise and I said no. He said "why aren't you doing it when you have the time for it?" Of course, he's right... and he's just trying to motivate me... but now I'm just angry with him for some reason. Cause he called me out on my laziness I guess. I don't know. He means well, but I'm mad at myself and him calling me out on the fact that I keep talking and not taking action just made me even more mad.

I'm starting to think I'm a lost cause.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have been trying to get back on track myself with everything. Darn holidays make it extra hard.

    Having people call us out can be hard but if their motivation is from the heart it is easier for me to take.

    Thankfully my slump has had me maintaining rather than losing. A spark friend suggested I write and see what is driving me, what is holding me back, where my challenges are etc. It is a brilliant idea.

    Hang in there and learn about what you want and how to get there.

    1938 days ago
    You are definitely NOT a lost cause!!! I have felt the same way SOOOOO many times I can't even count- but the way I know that you are not a lost cause is that you're still logging on to Spark!! You've been able to actually own up to what hasn't been working and that's a great place to start. Just take baby steps (add one thing in every day or every few days to make positive, healthy changes) and after a while it'll all add together and you'll be back on track! It can be really daunting to think about changing everything all at once, so it can be much more manageable and feasible if you start slow and add things as you go. I'm doing the same thing right now and definitely need to listen to my own advice, but you WILL get back on track and you WILL be successful!!! emoticon
    1939 days ago
  • P_WRIGHT2009
    It all starts out mental. First you have to ask yourself, do you want to lose weight or be healthy? Losing weight is getting healthy, but you have to change your way of thinking. It is all in your mind. If you tell yourself that all you want to do is sit there and do nothing, then that's what you will do. If you tell yourself, you want to work out, follow through with it. It can be as simple as going up and down some stairs 2x a day to start your motivation. Remember healthy weight loss takes time, patience, and a lot of dedication. I used to be the same way and would give up easily, but that is yourself getting the best of you, if you know what I mean. We are the only ones that really stand in our own way. If you really, and I mean REALLY, want to lose weight, YOU CAN!! No excuses! :-) I mean all of this with a very kind heart. Just remember that it takes time and a lot of patience, you won't be able to change overnight or within a couple of months. Instead of gorging at night, eat half of what you would normally eat and save the rest for the next night. Then the following night eat only a quarter of that half, and so on and so on. Until you are able to change your gorging to a more healthy way of eating or into something else. Even when you are watching TV, do some squats during a commercial or walk around your place. You have it in you to do it, because I sounded like you did in April until I changed my way of thinking. If you want to be healthy, change your mind to have a more optimistic outlook. See yourself as being smaller and healthier and figure out what you have to do to get there. Good luck!!! emoticon
    1940 days ago
  • NANT406
    Oh sweetie you are NOT a lost cause. I find myself in a similar situation, so I can relate to what you're going through. I've also gained back the weight I've lost since I started SP in 2010 and gained another 20+ lbs. I know it's frustrating but we can't give up! We're worth the effort. Consistency is our friend! Let's help each other keep up with the baby steps and build momentum....We CAN do it! Hope to hear from you soon friend!

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    1940 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/29/2012 3:02:29 PM
    I know how you feel I do the same when my husband asks me about working out. He did it last night and I told him to stop patronizing me about it. Just hang in there and keep trying.
    1940 days ago
  • AMCMBK17
    NO ONE is a lost cause - hang in there! emoticon
    1940 days ago
  • KHK218
    (((Hugs))). Sometimes when I feel weak like this I realize that I just have to work around my weaknesses. Like I'll call a friend and arrange to meetup at a zoo ( or someplace that gets me out of the house and forces me to walk and socialize). It is sad, lol, but I treat myself like a child and try to trick myself into being healthier. :) And it usually works.

    Anyway, I know how frustrating it is when your mind works against you. I never tell people that I'm trying to lose weight because I would totally do the same thing you did to your boyfriend, lol. :) Give yourself a hug and him too and maybe take a break from thinking about losing weight for a couple of days. I'm sure the motivation to try again will come back.
    1940 days ago
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