Thursday, November 29, 2012
I have a clearly identified cycle when it comes to working out. I am awesome at going 3 to 4 times a week for 6,ks, 3months, 6 months, whatever, and then I miss a week and don't go back for 6-8 months. Mostly because I HATE going. I don't get the work out high, I don't feel good about myself afterward. I feel tired and sweaty and achy. However, this bootcamp style class at my gym actually DOES make me feel good, but it also makes me sore for 4 days afterward. So I don't ever go.
I decided to hire Cheryl the personal trainer because she will me make me miserable and sore, but I will HAVE to go because she's waiting. So hopefully, after 8 weeks of twice weekly half hour strength training, bootcamp won't make me so sad, and I will go regularly and break the cycle.
Cheryl is definitely the right trainer for me. She's relaxed and chatty, and she doesn't yell at me to pump things or breathe through them. (However, she made me use 8 lb weights!! 8!! I usually use 4!)
However, because I am both fat and out of shape, she decided I was a total moron, and she was pretty condescending about it. She very carefully demonstrated a squat for me. Like, really?
And she was all "No one ever regrets going to the gym." Wrong. I do all the dang time when I am home and I am sweaty and grouchy. If all I wanted was a slogan from Pinterest, I would be on my couch.
She asked about my current fitness and I told her that like to use the elliptical with very low resistance, because my legs get tired before my lungs, and she did not approve of that. "Well, sweating doesn't matter, it's all about the breathing." I was like, yeah, I try to work out at the point where it is no longer comfortable to talk. And then she ignored what I just said and gave me tips to maximize my workouts so they could be faster/ more effective/harder. I just want to start some healthy habits- let me work out at my own pace!
At the end, she was asking me about food and she actually asked me " Do you know what is good to eat and do you choose that?"
And I told her that I have been tracking my food for three years, and I don't always stay in my calorie ranges, but that is because ice cream is delicious not because I don't know how. But I could tell she didn't believe me, and she started lecturing me about whole foods and not eating Lean Cuisine all the time.
I told her what I ate today (steel cut oats with applesauce, greek yogurt with frozen berries, roast chicken and potatoes, snacks of fruit and Peanut Butter Captain Crunch) and it BLEW HER MIND. She could not even handle it. And then she said 'I'm glad you were able to eat the Captain Crunch and not spiral into, like, a pizza binge." Why would that send me into a binge? I knew I would want sugar at 3pm, so I packed a serving of Captain Crunch. ON PURPOSE. UGH.
Basically, it was really uncomfortable facing her assumptions that:
1) I am fat, so I've never been in a gym before.
2) I am fat because I only eat garbage.
3)I am fat so OBVIOUSLY I want to lose weight. It's like she didn't hear me when I was talking about wanting to build good and sustainable habits. Like yeah, if I wake up after 8 weeks looking like Jillian Michaels, I am not going to ask for my money back, but that is not the GOAL here. My mom has been on blood pressure meds since she was in her thirties. I don't want that to be my life. I want to have a routine that I can carry with me.
I have hope that if I keep reinforcing the fact that I AM OKAY WITH MY WEIGHT and that I have been maintaining it for 3 years, and if I wanted to do something about it, I WOULD, she will come around and stop trying to get me to work harder on the elliptical. I like her training style, so here's hoping? If not, it's only 8 weeks, and then I get to go back to bootcamp!