Thursday, November 29, 2012
This site is great. It has been a real motivator for me and it has opened my eyes to many things. I have met a few people on here that I will hopefully be friends with for the rest of my life. In saying that it bothers me to make commitments to losing weight then just to fail or fall of the horse so to say. I keep doing that. Starting out with this I was so inspired and motivated. I was running on all cylinders and doing it. Then a set back here or there and it seemed every weekend was a battle. For those reasons I felt like I couldn't even get going again because the result was always failure or a wall. But even through those times when it seemed the hardest to keep control I was doing better than I ever was, because I was doing.
Lately I commit to doing this or doing that and I feel like in the end I am making empty promises. Like I am letting someone else down and that feeling alone has halted me and kept me from pushing. This last week I have been thinking about all of this and I have come to realize that holding back because of this reason has only hampered others more than let them down. I like to be loud and never shut my mouth and recently I haven't been myself because of the pitiful little person that wanted to hide. I know this is mine to do and that other have theirs to do. It's not easy and in the beginning it was crazy hard but I got back up each day or weekend after "messing up" and got going again. There is a sense of shame that you begin to feel when you tell someone what your going to do and then not do it. It makes you feel like a liar and everyone says that the road the hell is pave with good intentions.
Well I might fail again and again and again but I'm going to get it right sometime but I'm not giving up no matter how many times it takes. Hell with feeling sorry about a week of screwing up or let downs. Giving up is not the answer. Like I said before, I will never give up. I love seeing my friends succeed on here and it makes me want that for myself that much more. I have a great bunch of friends and I love every one of you. I don't mean to make empty promises. That is not the intention but I do make myself a promise. To give my all again and make no promises. Not to let anything get in my way and when I can't control myself, don't give up on me. That is my non-promise to me and letting you guys know it.
There is more out there that I want to do. This weight loss journey is just part of that and the beginning step of where I have my eyes set. Time to take the first step of many and do this again and again and again until its time for another step. I have a simple note care pinned up on my bulletin board in my office that says. What's the next step! If you really think on that one sentence and follow it and never stop then you can build mountains and empires.
Thank you guys for not giving up on me.