Thank you all so much for your amazing support on my blog requesting help! I live in fear of the 'fat girl' inside, who consumed everything in sight... including the majority of my life!
A constant in the thread of amazing support that you all had to offer was that you said, "Look at how much you have accomplished!" and "Look how far you have come!"
It inspired me to search through my pictures to find proof of where I have been... not that I could ever forget.
It was not easy for me to find 'fat' pictures because I would never allow my picture to be taken. Most of these are from pregnancy and the early childhood of my daughters. I kinda had to force myself to allow my picture to be taken for my girls. But even in pregnancy there was never an excuse for me to be as big as I was.
So here is a virtual walk down memory lane.
I did not start out obese. I was a 'normal' toddler.
When I started school (I hated school), I began to comfort myself with food. In this picture I am not considered overweight by today's standards. But when I was a young'n, fat children were difficult to find. The teasing began very young for me.
It didn't take long for my misery to manifest. I realize it could have been much, much worse. But I developed an incredible addiction to food at this young of an age. And the psychological damage it did to me, in addition to the physical consequences, were devastating.
After that age ^^^, I have no pictoral record of my adolescence because I refused to allow my picture to be taken.
However, this was taken when I was about 15 or 16. It was the "thinnest" I had been in my youth. I was about 160 lbs and worked at Burger King. So that didn't last long!
During the Atkins craze, I "slimmed down"... I was about 170 lbs or so when I graduated nursing school. I remember I used to think I was so skinny!
I was Maid of Honor in my girlfriend's wedding. I was about 190 lbs in this picture.
This is a picture of this same friend and I from this last trip to Ohio during Thanksgiving
This is me at work. I'm not quite my heaviest here... but pretty close
Pregnant with my first
Home with first daughter
Random face shot
Face shot of me at about 157 lbs (big difference!)
July 16 2007- the birthday of my second daughter (and approx 2 weeks before I "snapped" at my highest non-preg weight of 271 lbs... and the day I decided to turn things around)
In the hospital after birth
This was about a year and half after beginning my weight loss journey. I was about 180-190 lbs here. I thought I was so thin! Relatively speaking... I guess I was!
And this was only two years ago on my trip to Israel! I was about 175 lbs here (again... thought I was so thin!)
You all have helped me so much today by kindling the flame of desire to take an objective look at the journey I have traveled. It has been long, hard, and painful indeed! I have come way too far to allow myself to wallow in misery over an indiscretion as slight as a bag of peanut M&Ms! It's just so hard to keep things in perspective sometimes!
And on the other hand, these pictures serve as a reminder of what I WILL NOT allow myself to go back to! It is so easy to gain weight once you have already developed the fat cells to carry the weight in the first place. But while I must remain on guard to a major extent... I MUST keep the 'big picture' in mind as I seek peace within myself, within this world, and within my self- as a whole. An individual!!
This is my triumph and I will not go back to the shame and agony of what I was before. I have evolved! And I'm officially saying "Goodbye" to the nagging fat girl inside of me. I know she will always be there but I will not give her victory or glory!! I WILL overcome!
This is me at 147 lbs.
And this is me at my thinnest- just recently... about 141-142 lbs!!