Day 89: Loving Myself Healthy...even on a really hard day
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Day 28 of 30day Thanksgiving challenge: I'm grateful for willingness. Willingness to admit my shortcomings, willingness to ask for help, willingness to admit when I am wrong, willingness to try harder.
I posted my 28th gratitude this morning before my day had really gotten started. I posted it after learning that there was a further problem with my van & before I knew what the problem was/is. It's really part of the 12-step program that I have learned... learning to ACT AS IF and trusting that God will be there to take care of things. I am willing to embrace that and do my best to live it. THEN I got the call. My mechanic let me know that while 1 of the cylinder heads was fine after being "polished out" whatever that is.... however, the 2nd cylinder head was/is cracked all the way down the side. This is NOT a happy thing. It means that he now has to find a cylinder head for my van, a 1995 model so not such an easy task. He is contacting salvage yards and other places but all I can see in my mind is $$$$$$$$$. I am keeping my head up. I am trying my best not to break down and cry. I am going to have faith that he'll find one and that it will not be too much more. I am grateful that he is willing to search for the cheapest parts. I am grateful that he is willing to put in so much work on my van. I am grateful that I KNOW someone who has the time and talent to fix it. I am grateful that I have friends that are helping me to get the rest of the family where they need to be and keeping the girls babysat and getting everything done that needs to be done.
My life is always about robbing peter to pay paul. It's about counting every penny and living pay check to pay check. I don't go out buying all sorts of new clothes. As a matter of fact, everything that I have has come to me through other people. I put out a plea once upon a time for "hand-me-downs" from my Spark friends and that is what I have been wearing. Even my bathing suits are hand-me-downs. That isn't a complaint. That's a blessing...a joy...another gratitude. I am so grateful for my friends here. I am always so sad when one of the dresses that have been passed on to me finally wear out and I have to let them go. I promise you, I have worn them well and with pride. Anyway, I digress.....
We don't go on expensive trips... or even inexpensive trips. We are a family of 6 living in a tiny little run-down house. Crowded but happy most of the time. We don't have expensive furnature. Like my clothes, all of our furnature is a hand-me-down, given to us by friends... or bought at thrift stores or yard sales...or even found on the side of the road. We have 1 van for all of us to get around in. My husband works 2 jobs, 1 full-time at Sears, which unfortunately ends on Dec 15th when the store closes and the other part-time at AutoZone. He's hard working and never complains. My DIL works at the YMCA where I work. I work as a water-aerobic instructor & swim lesson teach at the YMCA. We both love working there and are grateful beyond words for our jobs. The town that we live in has the highest unemployment rate of the entire state of VA. So we are totally blessed to have all these jobs. It stinks that Paul's job ends before Christmas... but he has been told that he'll get a small severance pay and be eligible for unemployment. Of course, he's such a determined work-horse that he won't sit still...he'll be out job hunting ASAP. My son is a stay-at-home dad who has been pitching in like crazy lately. He's a good dad and I am proud of him. We always pitch in and make sure that we take care of one another.
Why I am posting all this? It's really more for me than for any of you. Right now, I'm writing this instead of hitting my kitchen and EATING over the stress and emotions that I am feeling. I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am lonely. I eat when I am angry. I eat when I am scared. I eat when I am stressed. Right now I am ALL OF THOSE THINGS. But today... tonight... right now... I am NOT going to give in to my compulsion to overeat. I am writing it out. I am praying about it. I am talking to my friends. I am working things out and I am relying on GOD to lead me through all of this.
So, has today been a horrible day? Actually NO. I had bad news today. But I have not eaten over it. I have excellent friends who have gotten everyone where they need to go. I have a good substitute who is teaching my classes this week because my IBS is keeping me in the bathroom during all this stress. I slept another 8 hours last night, thanks to the CPAP machine that I was finally given. I spoke to the doctor's office today and they want to see me next week and again told me how severe my apnea is. WOW... I have such hope now that my metabolism is going to get the jump start that I need and finally the scale will be my friend. I am GRATEFUL.... and most of all I am grateful to be able to come here and blog about my life and my fears and my success.
I'll shut up now. I just want to say thank you for being here for me. I really love Sparkpeople and all of my SparkFamily.
Bright blessings to you all. Love, Dawn