Wednesday, November 28, 2012
For the past 3-4 weeks it feels like all I've been doing is crying. Being sick and going through treatment, then adding school and trying to get through assignments and tests, and just plain "living my life" is awful.
"I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare; I'm just a kid and I know that it's not fair" (THANK YOU SIMPLE PLAN). My life is f***ed up. I don't have a life anymore; hospital; treatments; injections. Though school is hell right now especially as I only have 2 weeks left of the semester. However, right now it is my own bright spot. I couldn't go swimming this summer; my horseback riding lessons are out, everything that gives me pleasure is out. FML
I'm crying as I write this; I just can't keep it in any longer. Thankfully all of my teachers at school are supportive and understanding as I miss class every 2nd week. That helps.
However, does anyone listen to me? Ask me what I want? NO! I can't stand my doctor; she doesn't seem to care instead just going and doing her job without an ounce of compassion. Sadly I'm back into that dark place I first inhabited back in 2005 after my gradma died; self injury. I hate myself for being back there. I thought once I left that place I'd never go back. But it's one thing that helps. The blood that comes forth; is the inner pain leaving.
Why me? After everything I've gone through in my life- being born premature and having epilesy as a child. multiple surgeries, bullying etc, why do I have to go through this too? What did I do to anger the universe?
*Sigh* I just had to get all that out there. Not exactly feeling better but at least it's out. Thanks for listening.