Wednesday, November 28, 2012
This blog is to pump myself up for todays interview... even though its just the practice interview I cant help but be nervous. I am fine with public speaking but one on one or small groups make me soooo flipidy doo nervous! Id be happier being subpoenaed by the supreme court to testify lol, srsly though. So, I thought if I did a recap of who I am, where I have been, and how I got to where I am...well... I just might feel a tad bit more relaxed.
My name is Siena Lyn, though online I go by FallintoFlight. Which is an abbreviation for 'Falling into the Darkness, Fly into the Light'. THIS is the lesson I was remind of on this journey to a happier and healthier Siena. That I am only human, I am imperfect, we all are. That embracing this darkness could only make me stronger and fly higher, reaching my goals. It's all about how I utilize the pain, frustration, and negative feelings. We can all take ugliness, anger, and unhappiness and turn it into something beautiful! Trials and tribulations of any magnitude can break you or make you!
I started this journey unhappy, overweight, and depressed. Dreaming of being skinny because that would be the answer to all my problems. I had no determination, no real fitness or health goals, just a number that would magically make me happy again. My young marriage was falling apart, I struggled with anger and resentment. My greatest joy was motherhood which gave me reason to get out of bed everyday and take my infant daughter on our daily strolls. I never missed a day. As my marriage began looking almost unsalvageable, I felt stuck, I was angry, I was still fat, I was still unhappy. Then one day I was so upset, so angry, soooo pissed off... I just ran. Literally, I ran, and ran, and ran until I was out of breath and my legs hurt more than the anger, until I couldnt over think one negative thing. And THAT was the day I realized I had stopped being a survivor and had allowed myself to be a victim. That hurt. It was time to be the survivor again, the strong, beautiful, capable survivor. I also realized that day that Being strong on the outside begins with being strong on the inside.
This is when my journey truly began. I set goals, more than a number for the scale. Fitness, health, and my happiness became my priority. If I were ngry Id kickbox until I was too tired to be anything but proud. If I were sad I'd run until i was too tired to over think anything. If I just felt tired and depressed I'd lift weights to prove to myself just how strong I really am. When Id nit pick my body Id remember how amazing it truly is. As I grew stronger so did the relationships around me. I learned that you cannot truly feel just how loved you are if you dont love yourself first. I got back to the basics of Siena.
A survivor will always keep trying. Someone who loves themselves remembers whether it's 5 lbs or 50 lbs, it's progress. To be happy, its all about moderation, not deprivation. Success happens when you don't stop because it hurts, you only stop when your done. Strong is, when that pesky little voice with all the excuses starts, it's up to you to say STFU & do it, then do it again.