My Mom is Home for Christmas

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

It's so wonderful to have a day off today. My first one since last Thursday.

On Sun about 3 pm, my mom passed away from kidney failure (old age, organs shutting down). She had many flowers she loved, I'm not sure what her favorite one is. She loved dahlias, marigolds, zinnias, peace roses, honeysuckle, mums, peonies, and so many more I can't remember them all. But I grew up with the pink bleeding hearts flower, the bush that blooms for only a short time in spring, because it was one of her favorites.

I heard this song for the first time ever yesterday, as if God was playing it just for me. Christmas was a very big deal for my mom:

Going Home For Christmas, by Steven Curtis Chapman
from the album The Music of Christmas

Her house was where the family gathered every Christmas eve;
A feast was on the table and gifts were placed beneath the tree.
Everything was picture perfect, Grandpa would laugh and say,
That woman spends the whole year getting ready for this day.

One year the leaves began to fall and her health began to fade;
We moved her to a place where they could watch her night and day.
But she kept making plans for Christmas from her little room;
She told everyone, I'll miss you but I'll be leaving soon.

Chorus 1
I'm going home for Christmas and I'm going home to stay;
I'm going home for Christmas and nothings gonna keep me away.
I'll be with the ones I love to celebrate the Savior's birth;
This gift will be worth more to me than anything on earth.
I'm going home, home for Christmas.

All the leaves outside have fallen to be covered by the snow;
The family comes with food and gifts and Grandpa comes alone.
There's a sadness in our silence as the Christmas story's read,
And with tears, Grandpa reminds us of the words that Grandma said.

Chorus 2
I'm going home for Christmas and I'm going home to stay;
I'm going home for Christmas and nothing's gonna keep me away.
She'll be face to face with Jesus as we celebrate His birth,
And this gift will be worth more to her than anything on earth,
‘Cause she'll be home.

And as we sing ‘Joy to the World' I can't help thinking
Of the joy that's shining in her eyes right now.
And though our hearts still ache, we know that as we celebrate,
She's singing with the herald angels and heaven's glowing on her face.

Chorus 3
And now she's home for Christmas and now she's home to stay;
She's home for Christmas, and nothin' could've kept her away.
She'll be face to face with Jesus, as we celebrate His birth,
And this gift will be worth more to her than anything on earth.
She's home, she's home for Christmas. X2

I checked my phone messages while on break at work Sunday. My BIL asked me to call him back and I did, and he let me know she'd passed. Her mind was gone for several years, and I'm glad it's finally over for her. She had a strained relationship with everyone in the family, and I have already grieved many years for her. My BIL is having trouble finding pallbearers.

I can't afford to go to the funeral in Wyoming, which I regret, I would like to pay my respects of course; and would go if I could; but she has been "gone" a long time. And I don't have a choice whether or not I can go; I cannot.

Until hearing that song, I teared up only a couple times; mostly her death has not been present on my mind and spirit like my dad's and sister's passing have been. (I have been really missing my sister this fall and during the holidays.) Regarding my mom, I think there are a couple reasons for the lack of reaction: I think because I've already grieved for her and our relationship; and possibly because I haven't come to terms with her passing yet.

In the past, a former church I attended had a service for those who were grieving during the holidays, and it was very helpful to me. This year, my new current church has this 2 hour Saturday seminar I might go to, called "Surviving the Holidays", that you sign up for online:
"No matter how long it’s been since your loved one died, grief can make the holidays a painful time. But there's hope. Join us for an encouraging seminar that will help you survive the holidays and discover new reasons to enjoy them again. Hearts in Healing for Kids, ages K through 5th grade, will meet at the same time. Please register all members of the household who will be attending."

My mom is Home for Christmas. Rest in peace, mom.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

If you are missing your mom, and she was a believer who KNEW the Lord Jesus, take comfort in knowing she, also, is Home for Christmas.

1 Corinthians 16:11, NLT
Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LINDA!
    I am very sorry for your loss. My mother died 20 years ago. Yet, there is never a day that goes by that I do not think of her.

    1876 days ago
    I had never visited your SparkPage until I came to give you the sympathy bouquet after reading the huddle wall. Then I found this blog and loved it. I found myself reliving so much of what my husband an I went through when his Mom died in 2009. We had not seen her in 6 years, and were unable to attend the funeral because of his severe fear of flying. And though there was no estrangement, Mom had been "gone" since before we last saw her, because she had Alzheimer's. thank you for sharing this, and be assured you are not alone.
    1876 days ago
    Prayers for a serene and peaceful Christmas for you and your family. I know you will miss your mom, but your faith and hers will sustain you during this time of loss.
    1877 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    My father's death was poignant but not painful for me. That has never changed. In times past, lack of money and distance kept many people from attending funerals, so you are not alone. You may have other losses that would make attending the workshop valuable. Peace to you at this time and always. emoticon
    1877 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I love bleeding hearts too and grow them outside my bedroom window. Your mom is in a better place now. She is at peace and restored. emoticon
    1877 days ago
  • KAT7457
    Sorry for the loss of your mom
    Love the flowers please come join us in the team Lost a Loved One
    God bless you emoticon emoticon
    1877 days ago
    what a beautiful tribute to your Mom - God blessed you with each other, for sure. Thank you for sharing such intimate thoughts. God Bless and hugs, pat
    1878 days ago
    Oh how I love the bleeding hearts - I have a huge batch of them and I take cuttings every year and pass them on. I'm sorry about your loss. My mother is also in heaven along with many other very special people of mine. Take care of yourself. Even though she has been gone there is still a loss and you might be surprised with your grief. emoticon
    1878 days ago
    I am sorry for your loss and grief, but rejoice knowing she is with our God in Heaven.
    Thank you for the song.
    Take care of yourself.
    1878 days ago
    Oh, Carol. I know this must be with many mixed feelings. I wish I could hold you and give you tight, tight emoticon .

    Praying for you.
    1878 days ago
    As nice as it would be to attend the service it's better that you know she's in her final home celebrating with the angels! You could always have a special candle to light at Christmas for her.

    1878 days ago
    While I was able to go to my mother's funeral, I was unable to go to my great uncle's and great aunt's funerals, and even my grandmother's funeral. However, I knew by the fact that each of them was a dedicated Christian that they had gotten to go to Jesus.
    1878 days ago
    heartfelt sympathy for you she is in a better place free. hugs
    1879 days ago
  • LAC936
    I'm so for your loss. I lost my mother many years ago and know your grief. Your Mom is in a much better place and knows your situation so don't feel guilty if you can't afford the trip. Plant a tree on your property in her memory and every time you see if grow you'll know how she's reached the ultimate - a glorified body. "The Lord Jesus Christ...will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body." (Philippians 3:20-21)
    emoticon emoticon
    1879 days ago
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