Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Things are going very, sigh, bad. My back is awful.. I mean really awful. I can hardly straighten out, totally twisted. I walk hunched over at this point and really can't get fully erect. So there, that's it.. it's out there, and I wanted you all to know. I don't want to keep coming here every day and not be able to post cheery happy posts, things are not all good, things are bad. I'm in a lot of pain. Pain like I've never experienced. I cry when I put on my make-up in the morning. It takes one hand to put it on and one hand so I can hold myself up. I usually have to take two breaks to get it on. Dinner, lunch and breakfast are all about the same. I stand until I feel I can't take it anymore and I sit.. then I get up again. I've bad back most my life but a life of obesity has added to it. The urgency of the weight-loss hangs in my mind.
I've been put on Topamax. I'll cut and paste my question I posted on the board earlier so you can see my success from the drug:
"""I've been having major back problems. Last time I was into the back doctor I expressed my NEED to lose weight. After all my mri's and injections and everything.. I really think I need to lose weight and strengthen my muscles, especially my lower back and core. She agreed with me and then asked what I've been doing to lose weight, and how was that working? I explained the years of up and down with the same weight and just can't seem to do it.. told her I really FEEL like I could do it this time, but I always feel that way. She said would you like some help?
Well my eyes were like a kid in a candy store. My regular doctor will only offer me drugs that have a "antidepressant " in them, these make me violent and kinda crazy. I also don't want any type of speed or "meth" type drug.. so I didn't know there were other choices. She said she had luck with Topamax. It is for patients with seizures and migraines, but has been prescribed off label for people to lose weight. It is used as an appetite suppressant. It works with the frontal lobe in the brain and also has had success with alcoholics as well as binge eaters.
From day one it was instant, amazing. I'm not hungry. In a week I lost 9 pounds. Not good, because I was way under my calories. I now just eat something healthy every few hours and I'm fine. I have no desire to drink, where I use to really want beer or wine in the evening. I have to make myself eat.. the desire is not there. Thanksgiving was a breeze. I ate a baked sweet potato and some turkey and just enjoyed the company. I didn't focus on the food one bit. It is just the beginning on the pill so I didn't know if anyone else has tried it? I don't feel any other side affect. I was a bit stupid for the first two weeks but that cloudy head seems to be going. I don't feel sick or nauseous, I'm just not hungry. No speed, no nothing, I feel normal.. I just can't believe I've never heard of this before."""
SO beside the drug I've committed to doing back exercised twice a day, a 15 minute full body work out 5 times a week and treadmill for thirty minutes everyday. The treadmill is my friend right now.. I hate it, trust me it hurts.. but I can hold myself up. I know on the biggest loser and such they yell about that.. but for me and my back it is perfect!
I'm doing well. I'm losing weight and getting healthier. But the back still hurts, hurts so much it scares me. I'm on a six month plan and see where I will be then. You have to give things time. True healing takes time.
I have Disney in less than 10 days. In typical women style I want to cancel. It hurts so much I cant walk from my car to my desk at work but I'm about to take on four parks in Orlando. I've told the kids and the guy I'm going with and no one has even once said, "Do you want to cancel?" But stubborn me wont say it either because I don't want to ruin anyone else's fun. I see disaster all over it.. but I'm going. Ted wants to get me a wheel chair and push me, which is sweet, but I have so much pride. And so much ego.
BUT I wanted all my pals to thank you for checking on me, thinking of me, finding me and just letting you all know I'm trying my hardest right now, harder than ever. I'm up every morning on my treadmill. I'm eating healthy and drinking my water. I'm seeing results. I'm just in so much pain.. I just don't have much more to report than that :(..