Who I am
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
That's a deep subject and one I'm not sure how to answer anymore. There's who I am:
I'm Amanda. I'm 32, 100 lbs overweight. I'd like to say I'm the mother of a beautiful daughter, Tori,
but I've never really been her mom. I was a young mother. I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant and 16 when she was born. Her father and I never married. My mom pretty well raised her until age three. There's no pretty well about it. She did. I was out being a deviant. At three her dad petitioned for custody. He didn't win, but they did award custody to his parents, who co petitioned. We were poor. I had a single mother (My father left in in late 1984 when she was 8 months pregnant with my brother) who had no college education. She had a good job with the school system, but things were TIGHT. I remember living on bacon one summer. Not having it a lot. LIVING ON IT. Tori had food, Tori ALWAYS had food. I went into a downward spiral from there which ends here. I'm 32 with no REAL work skills, no college education, little to no chance of one. I have no job. I do have a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) diagnosis though. I got that in May and have been in therapy ever since. www.sparkpeople.com/reso
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I'm not sure if it is to blame for the behaviors I have exhibited in my life or if I use it as an excuse. I suffer and have suffered most every symptom of BPD. I have attempted suicide. I have fantasized about suicide. I've had urges to hurt others including my mother in May. I've never self mutilated.
I have a mental illness, no job, no money, little to no life skills. I'm overweight but more importantly I'm unhealthy in every sense of the word.
But I'm working to be better. 1 day at a time.