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    BECKAFANO   22,836
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Not so good ... but why?


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

If any of you are like me, the secret key to motivation eludes me every moment of the day. I had a dr apt yesterday and as usual she mentioned that I keep gaining weight and wanted to know why. I honestly looked at her and said 'I have no idea.' How is it that something you want so badly and need so desperately can be so hard to find and even harder to hold on to in those rare moments you do find it? I told her I had started exercising again that morning, she said, 'good, what made you do it?' and again I had to say, 'I have no idea.' I exercised again this morning, but I still don't know why or how to keep it going. She then asked me what would motivate me to do better? And again I had to say, 'I have no idea.' I know all of the things that should motivate me, but they don't. I should want to be healthier and have better cholesterol and BP. But those things are not enough to get me motivated. And it makes me sad.

The only thing I do know is that food tends to be my 'go to' item. When I was little, my mom died, my house burnt down and my brother and sister's way of dealing with it was drugs and alcohol. Then my dad remarried and she was manic depressive. There were several times I would come home to find my brother passed out and wonder if he was just sleeping or dead or to find a note that said he ran away. To sum it all up, I have been abandoned by so many things in life that i don't trust much. The one thing that was always there was food. When I would come home to a run away note, a passed out sibling or even just an empty house, the one thing that was there was food. Even as I got older, people and things that I though would last didn't. So the only thing I do know is that when someone is asking me to give up the one thing I think I can trust, I get angry, rebellious and resentful. Anyone have any ideas, suggestions or thoughts? I'd love to hear from you all.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
IMEMINE1 1/21/2013 7:37PM

    emoticon All great advice. You have to start loving yourself and say Darn, I am worth it!

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FOUNDER3 11/29/2012 8:25PM

    BECKY
I have read all of these wonderful responses, and think it is all great advice, and encouragement. That is the most wonderful thing about Spark People, there is always someone there for you, and we are all here for each other.

That has kept me on this journey for 5 years.

I have had a weight problem since I was 8 years old. It was a problem of the mind. I look back at pictures of myself during the years when I thought I was fat. I was not.

Then, it became the truth, because I thought it was the truth.

I agree with the others, that self esteem is a huge part of a weight problem

It is very "normal" in our society for a person to feel low self esteem. Even without all of the terrible things that you went through, our influences are all about making us feel NOT good enough.

I have not lost all of my weight, and may never lose all of it, but I have kept off a great deal of what I lost, and that is a real victory for me.

When I began this journey, I realized that I had always taken in and accepted as true all of the negative messages that came to me from society, family and friends. None of them meant to make me feel less, it just happened.

The biggest thing I have done, and have to do over again, every day, is to take out those horrible ideas I have allowed to fester in my mind, look at them in the light of day, and recognize that they are truly all lies.

I do not deserve to be fat. I do deserve to be healthy and strong. I can lose weight, and keep it off. I am not a failure, I am human. I am not perfect, and it is really silly of me to expect that I should be.

I am 63 years old, working on this for 5 years, my problem began at 8 years old, so I am now fighting daily against thoughts and ideas that I decided were true, for about 50 years.

You do not have to lose all of your weight today. You do not have to do all of your exercise today. You do not have to be perfect today.

What you must do today, is get through it doing the best you can, making small changes a little at a time, and learning to love yourself forgive yourself and find your own self worth.

I am not perfect, but I can make progress, thus Progress, not perfection.

I can not do it all today, thus, I can do it One day at a time. Sometimes, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, well you get my drift.

I can not do a thing about what I did yesterday, I cannot live tomorrow until it is today, so that is what I am left with, TODAY.

I pray a lot, I work hard to remember the good things about me, I also work hard not to define myself by my weight.

I want to lose more weight, I want to be stronger and healthier, and those are the things that I am working on.

You are a deserving person, with some issues to deal with, just like the rest of us.

The most important thing about the above statement, is YOU ARE A DESERVING PERSON!

The next time your doctor asks about your weight, tell her you are doing the best you can, one day at a time.

I am an old Alanon person, so the last thing I will say is the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

God Bless. Love yourself today.

Bonnie

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CAKAROO 11/28/2012 6:13AM

    emoticon

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EATVEGAN 11/28/2012 1:35AM

    Wow! You have gotten some really good suggestions from those who came before me. I think you will have to find some reasons that are stronger than the need for comfort. I hope you won't wait until you're nearly 70 like I did. But if so, there is still hope. May God bless you. I think Joyce Meyer has a book on weight loss. She's so down-to-earth I'll bet she has some things to say that will click with you. Keep praying and trusting and the Lord will lead you.

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VONBLACKBIRD 11/27/2012 9:12PM

    wow after all these great comments what can I say..

I am still working on myself and being motivated as well..I don't think that part will ever end..but basically like what everyone else has said..you have to do this for YOU!!! You cannot please everyone..

My greatest motivation is knowing how I felt when I was much heavier..I felt sick not at being fat but just plain sick all the time..it was my major decision that made me want to change so I could feel better..the way I was going, I would have died sooner..and that is the way I had to look at it..

Things that have helped me...and I didn't get help from hubby at first as he likes his "sweets" and he doesn't gain like I do..so I cleaned out refrigerator and cubboards and just don't keep those junk foods that are my triggers. I found out once I gave up sugars for a week, then I no longer craved them..if I even ate a tiny bit, it would take me another week to get over the craving again so decided that they are like poison to me. I still like my chrunchy salty snacks but I've changed from chips to bagel chips or pretzels...think it is mainly the "crunch" I enjoy more than anything..I now keep "healthy" foods in the refrigerator and hubby has learned to eat better as well though he still likes his sweets occasionally..I just make sure if they are bought ones like Little Debbies that they are the ones I don't like..

And don't feel bad as this is my 2nd time here at SP..first time I lost almost 50# only to quit SP and put them all right back on plus some..so this time around has got to be it for me..if I have to come and track here every day for the rest of my life..I do track every little bit of food I eat and I still measure as my eyeballing it is not true most of the time..
but really your motivation has to be that you want it mainly to feel better...and learning to eat all over again is sometimes the best thing to do..You have started out great by getting back into exercising...that is the part I really struggle with especially in winter...I'm a natural couch potato..but honey as young as you are you need to keep moving or when you get my age it will be even harder than what I'm going through..and then if you continue on the path you have been on...think knee and hip replacements down the line as you age..I know..I've had both knees and a hip replacement and they are not fun!!!!! do it now and do it for YOU!!!

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STITCH4EVER 11/27/2012 5:06PM

    WELL, FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE MADE A MAJOR STEP IN RECOGNIZING THE
PROBLEM AREA AND WHEN AND WHERE IT STARTED. YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR EMOTIONAL REASON IS. NOW WE HAVE TO GET YOU MOTIVATED TO WANT TO DO SOMETHING JUST FOR YOU. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU WANT TO DO IT FOR YOUR HEALTH, TO BUY COOL CLOTHES, OR JUST TO LOOK BETTER THAN EVERYONE YOU KNOW. WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO HEAR SOMEONE SAY, "YOU LOOK AMAZING!" I WAS 64 YEARS OLD BEFORE IT FINALLY CLICKED FOR ME. AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MY REASON WAS REVENGE. BUT WHO CARES? IT IS WORKING. I HAVE LOST OVER 54 POUNDS IN THE LAST 10 MONTHS. I DO NOT FEEL BETTER BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AND I KNEW THAT BEFORE I STARTED. AND NO ONE HAS NOTICED THE WEIGHT LOSS. I AM VERY SHORT AND VERY ROUND SO IT IS HARD TO SEE. AND I AM STILL WEARING MOST OF THE SAME CLOTHES. I WANT YOU TO GO TO "YOUTUBE" AND GOOGLE A VIDEO CALLED, "NEVER, EVER GIVE UP." I EVEN HAVE THIS BOOKMARKED. IT IS SO MOTIVATING THAT I WATCH IT FREQUENTLY. IF HE CAN DO IT - SO CAN YOU. AND WE WILL ALL SUPPORT YOU. THEN WHEN YOUR DR. ASKS WHY, YOU WILL HAVE A NEW ANSWER. "I AM DOING IT FOR ME."
ERIN

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ASOBFALLS 11/27/2012 3:53PM

    emoticon emoticon

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4EVER21B 11/27/2012 3:48PM

    I understand the comfort that food gives me. I understand the betrayal of that comfort. Yes, it is always there. Taste so yummy and can be so satisfying. But then the betrayal starts. First, the tight clothes, then the added inches, followed by too many pounds. This leads to my lack of self esteem. Something I denied feeling for way to long.

But it was my lack of self esteem from my overweight body that deprived me of so many joys. Small things, at first. Then more. For example, the need for a seat belt extension when flying. Double checking chairs to make sure they were sturdy enough to hold my weigh. Avoiding seeing old friends because I became the "fat one".

Yes, I know understand the betray of food. It is my misuse of food to avoid dealing with feelings or issues.

For me, food is a symptom of my deeper malady. I now focus on what is bothering me and ask myself - is this in my control? I reinforce it with the Serenity Prayer.

I am far from perfect in my struggle with food. But what motivates me is that I am determined not to lose that struggle. Perhaps, your motivation is not one single thing. Maybe it is just the determination not give up, like me.

Be gentle with yourself, but be honest, too. Just by blogging, I know you are not ready to give up.

emoticon

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STEPHEN_NANNY 11/27/2012 11:10AM

    Hi there - thank you for dropping in to read my journey! So, I've read your blog here, and I don't know if I can be much help but I'll give you my thoughts.

I love food. LOVE. IT. And, I continue to love it, and that will never end. In a perfect Oprah-type worlds, we'd all have our heads examined by highly qualified shrinks who would help us understand why we do things, both good and bad, to ourselves. But in the real world, we normal folk have to get by with guessing, crutches, denial, enabling, indulging, and whatever other coping strategy we adopt to get us through to the end of the day. As you get on in years, I think it is harder to undo these. So what to do? I say - you be honest with yourself about them, and manage them as best you can, without beating yourself up and banging your head against a wall fixing things that really can't be fixed.

So you like food? Don't stop. But...learn to like some new food, and learn to love your 'old' food, but in a non-destructive way (just like a relationship). I have come to learn to like non-salted, healthy veggies...I bathe in their glory and wonderful flavours. All I had to do was realize that I was being a slave to the food industry by being addicted to their salty sugary processed food. I weened myself off the sodium, and then suddenly other flavours came alive. I CAN STILL LOVE MY FOOD.

So, when you've taken control of your food intake, your own body, and when you've been able to shed a few pounds, then you can enjoy the delicious treats you've always liked...chocolate...whatever it is. But, instead of gorging, you treat yourself to smaller sizes, and on occasion, all the while telling yourself that you are looking better, feeling better, and are IN CONTROL OF YOU.

So, get angry. Get resentful. But direct it at that which deserves it (not yourself, or your doctor). Direct it at those people who profit from your addictions and crutches and over-indulgences. Love your food, but demand love back from it...not what it has been giving you: cholesterol, weight, fat, low energy, cavities, bad health.

We are behind you, and we are all on the same team! Good luck!

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SURRENDER21 11/27/2012 11:02AM

    Thank you for opening your heart and sharing - when I hear of children with a tragic home like yours, it makes me want to cry and fight.

And Bravo to you for recognizing where the source of your comfort for food comes from. When no one else was there for you, food was.

I'm 42 years old and just this year finally figured out why I turn to food for comfort. I was raised in a very stable and loving home but as a result when I "went out into the world" and discovered how harsh it is, insecurity flared up. I eat to deal with my insecurity at work, insecurity with friends, insecurity with just about everything outside the home.

So anyway I think it's interesting that no matter how you were raised, with a strong home or a dysfunctional one, life still throws us issues that tempt us to destructive behaviors - whether its drinking or drugs or over-medicating with food.

I cannot recommend Overeaters Anonymous enough. I have been going to meetings for 3 months now, and for the first time in years I have hope of eventually overcoming my binging and emotional eating.

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OOLALA53 11/27/2012 9:02AM

    You really have to sit down and determine what overusing food is costing you as well. I don't even mean the shame because I think that's not a very effective motivator, though you will likely feel some pride for sticking to a reasonable plan. You also have to recognize that you are not that little girl anymore and just because you've done something familiar and easy for a long time, it does not mean you have to keep doing it. You CAN tolerate eating less at meals, less (n0t NO) processed foods, and likely eating fewer times a day, if you've been used to permasnacking. You can find other either pleasurable or productive things to do instead of eat. (Productive might mean journaling, napping, having a quick cry, or just some deep breaths until you can get to a place to take more care of the upset) Though the past affects us, we need to live in the now and create new habits and new memories emoticon . Get very clear that by consistently overeating, you are depriving yourself of the feelings of vitality and pep you can have when consistently eating moderately. Plus, there must be people in your life who would be positively affected by seeing you take more responsibility for your health. These are just a few ideas. I've got to go to work now but if you'd like me to send you my list of "reasons to eat sanely"- I have over 40 items of different types-, let me know and I'll get back to you later.

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