Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I didn't expect it to happen so fast, her going downhill. We had one month with her living at home and actually enjoyed every minute. Even bathtime, then for the past month, she has been in the hospital twice and the nursing home the rest of the time. Her lungs keep filling up with fluid and her left leg and ankle swell. She retains fluid as her heart can not pump it out. We know it is a matter of time but how long, only God knows. She is increasingly more and more depressed and wants to come home. Everyday when we leave she asks if she is going home with us. We would love to bring her home but don't know how we could care for her. She requires breathing treatments with a steroid during the day. She is on continual oxygen. She can't stand and walk but for a few steps. And she is a big woman so not easy to lift. We would have to be with her constantly and my husband and I both still work and need to work as we are helping both our sons financially right now.
My youngest son lost his job about 6 weeks ago and is planning to return to college in January to pursue a degree where he can teach social studies and political science. He barely made it through university with a degree in English but it isn't good enough to teach. His wife makes good money where she works but you know it is not enough. My other son and his wife and both severely underemployed and we are paying their mortgage and other things to help out. And Christmas is coming as well. Obamacare has kicked in and both are at 30 hours per week at a paltry wage and not enough to get by on.
We pray earnestly for a change in circumstance for all of them.
Yesterday I went for a massage after leaving my MIL and I went to the bathroom and just sat and cried. It is so hard to know what to do and we are trying to think of things to keep her occupied. Today I am going to take an angel picture that she had hanging over her bed and hand it over her TV in her room instead of the non descript landscape that is currently there. I also have the book HEAVEN IS REAL about the 5 year old who was very sick, actually went to heaven and remembered it all. I am going to take it and read it to her. I hope she would like that. Thankfully, my husband and I are not wealthy but we do have resources to be able to help and my business continues on. Clients still call.
Funny thing, when there is a recession or bad economy, people turn to fixing up their own homes rather than building new ones. So the Lord is taking care of us in that way.
So that is where we are, just hanging on to each day and making the best of it.