Monday, November 26, 2012
I went to my specialist today. The Dr. said that he, the radiologist, and pathologist was pretty sure I had some type of cancer or lymphoma this summer. They found nothing at all during their multitude of tests when they removed the lymph nodes in my neck. God has spared me. Praise be to God. He said we likely will never know what caused it. No follow up needed unless I notice any lumps or swellings. He said eventually my smile should return.
I should be dancing in the streets. I am very thankful. I need to take care of this body. God has given me a chance.
My stumbling block is that I'm plain and simply exhausted. I am just a bit overwhelmed with the needs of the people I care for in my job. And of course the paperwork. Help is on the way but it's slow. I have no choice but to give it my all in the meantime. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. I'm also worried about a close family member. Part of me knows to give my worries to God and move on. The other part of me doesn't have the strength. I come home late about every night. I somehow do what I need to around the house to keep it in order. Lot's of other people need this or that from me too. I can hardly do any of it. Most things just take a few minutes but I just can't seem to do it all. I still feel I can and will meet my health goals. I'm depressed that I haven't gotten further. The support and wisdom hear is phenomenal. I know that not eating healthy or exercising takes up just as much time. But, as I said I'm tired my To Do Lists are too long and I don't see anyway to shorten them for awhile. I feel horrible not taking the care of this wonderful body and life God has given me. I'm usually such a positive person. I don't like myself in this mood. I log on most days but feel I'm just hanging on by a thread.