Monday, November 26, 2012
The lesson for section 2 is that the scale is a mere tool in my arsenal of tools to reach my healthy lifestyle. I agree with this. I weigh every morning, after the shower and before I brush my teeth. it's part of the routine. I know that it fluctuates daily. I didn't weigh in for the 5 day holiday, and it's up. Really UP. Starting over up. I don't stress over the number, because I know I have eaten everything in sight since last Tuesday. The scale keeps me honest. The more important tool for me is my Blood glucose. Having a fasting blood sugar of under a 100 is the main goal. It tells me that the choose and amount of what i ate yesterday fit into a healthy range. Tracking is another important tool. I am working on being honest with tracking. I don't always weigh and measure, but I know that I often under-estimate. While my trackers are public, I need to remember and realize and think about that honest in my tracker is the most important tool I have. Fudging in there is only lying to my self, and my body doesn't lie. My belly and bloating, and fasting blood sugar doesn't lie. Lesson for today- to honestly track, and account for it all.
Section 3 was about building a conscience, which for me is directly related to the honesty thing. Make conscience chooses over what I put in my mouth, honestly tracking what I did is my action plan for the day. I don't ofter feel guilt.. or rather, I feel so much self loathing and guilt that I am numb to it. That little voice that says Good choose, good job, is drowned out by the other voice... that mother's voice about not deserving ice cream. I admit, I have mommy issues. I have paid big bucks for therapy to come to this conclusion. The step that has been missing, that made me quit therapy time and time again, was What to do about it? Confronting the parent doesn't work. I tried that when she was alive and it's not a nice memory. Part of me feels like blaming mom issues is a cop out. No one has perfect family of origin, and part of being an adult is creating your own family. Which I have done. I do not parent like I was parented. In my head, I can over come the whole self defeating prophecy that my mom set me up for. It's translating that into my emotions, my self talk that is the challenge. So today action plan in regards to toxic guilt and bad horrid fat girl self esteem? I am going to have a nice hot cup of tea, and tell myself that I am an amazing smart talented women who can and will meet her healthy lifestyle goals. than I am going to do something to meet my goals.