Monday, November 26, 2012
Just listened again to a podcast about the power of relaxed intent (wanting something, but with a sense that either way you'll be OK, instead of holding on too tightly to one fixed outcome).
It came at a great time. I've been binging every other day for awhile now. I reverted back to this very self-destructive habit around the beginning of October when I got bad news about my own health and had just gotten to my goal weight. Then my marriage went into crisis. Then we found out that my husband might have cancer. It's all been way too much and try as I might, I haven't been able to stop the binging.
Listening to this podcast, I realized that in holding on so tightly to the outcome, I'm effectively pushing it away. I keep focusing tightly on what I don't want to do (I don't want to binge, I don't want to gain weight back, I don't want to be out of control, I don't want...). Well all this negative focus and white knuckling of the desired outcome is exactly how NOT to get what I actually want.
This is true with my weight and my marriage.
So, what to do? Well, for my weight, I'm starting over, again, today. And I'm getting back to basics, focusing on my towards motivators - all the things I want: eating well and taking care of myself, having more energy, self-confidence, a feeling of ease and lightness, pleasure when hungry for meals, etc.
I want this to be the first day of many days of waking up feeling great about myself, which comes from choosing self care and long term pleasure over destructive instant gratification.