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Beyond the Wrinkle, Chapters 7 & 8: The Wrinkle of Routine and The Wrinkle of Infinity

Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving has come and gone (with much success I might add!) and the best part was that my family was noticing my weight loss success! Yay! So why am I scared to death? I知 scared to feel the excitement I知 feeling. I知 scared to hope that I値l reach my goal. I知 scared of getting comfortable, of taking too much pride in my success thus far. I致e never made it much past this point and I致e never, EVER reached my goal. I致e been here before. I知 glad to be here but I fear going forward.

So where am I? I知 at that place of being in a good routine of tracking my food and staying away from sugar. I致e been here before. I致e felt the confidence and pride that comes from being in this place for several weeks actually two months now. They say (who ever 鍍hey are) it takes 6 weeks to get into a new routine. I知 in my routine.

But why is this a wrinkle? Why do I fear going forward from here? Because every time I致e been here in the past it has spelled the beginning of the end. I started this journey on September 17th and while I致e made good, steady progress I still have a ways to go. I知 afraid that somehow history will repeat itself even though I know I have a new tool in OA.

The wrinkle of routine is quickly followed by the wrinkle of infinity. Bear with me here. In wrestling with the wrinkle of routine it occurred to me that even when I reach my weight loss goal I知 not 電one. The weight loss is a finite goal. Living a healthy lifestyle doesn稚 have an end it痴 an infinite process. Geepers! That痴 a super wrinkle, don稚 ya think? Wellllll yes and no.

In my past attempts to loose weight I致e looked at it as a 堵et to goal and maintain plan (a la Weight Watchers). While that痴 sort of it there痴 more to it than just getting there and staying there. Through my baby steps in OA I知 coming to understand that, while the weight loss may stop, the journey of personal growth should never end. I look forward to a life free of compulsive eating a life lived in recovery. I look forward to digging deeper getting to know myself and seeing my faith deepen.

Perhaps the biggest tangible challenge is going to be accepting the fact that sugar is a four letter word to me not just for a time, but for, well, infinity. So far resisting the temptation has been bearable I知 learning to make substitutions & not feeling terribly tempted. But for the rest of my life? Oh dear My mindset in the past has been 電on稚 eliminate any food or food group because (you) can稚 live that way for the rest of your life. All things in moderation. Now I know that the exception to this rule is sugar. Sugar is my alcohol and to be successfully in recovery that痴 one 澱ar I have to stay away from. Period.

So here痴 to looking at routine as positive change and infinity as an exciting time of self discovery through self control. OA has made this a far less terrifying journey. I have a support system that will not go away after a tangible goal has been met. That gives me infinite hope.
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DEEANN8 11/26/2012 4:45PM

    I totaly relate to what you are saying. And I'm looking forward to the OA tools as well. I have to keep reminding myself ODAT. I only have to do it for today. I am committing One Day At a Time.

You're already way ahead of me. I think my first month at OA I either used the excuse of 'powerlessness' to eat, eat, eat,.... or the whole idea of being 'abstinent' for infinity scared the bajeebees out of me, lol.

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BIGPAWSUP 11/26/2012 12:10PM

    I completely understand where you are coming from. I have come to the realization I cannot have chocolate - NOPE.

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MSDOUBLEJ 11/26/2012 11:59AM

    Best wishes in your weight loss journey! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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