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    WORTHART   13,214
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Looking for love in all the wrong places

Monday, November 26, 2012

I feel like that commercial where the lady is crying "help me I've fallen" but where I've fallen is into the rabbit hole of eating. Today was better though so maybe I've found my parachute or magic potion. I'm trying to understand why I feel so deprived when I can't eat what I want. I wasn't starved of food as a child, just affection, so maybe that's where this comes from? Food is always there, good old reliable food, it never turns its back, never leaves you and never tells you that you aren't good enough. I've read the answer to this is to love yourself, to fill yourself up with love but I haven't been too successful at that. I wonder if there is a motivational article about that?
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ADELE66 12/4/2012 11:36AM

    Geneen Roth...."Feeding the Hungry Heart" - that will definitely help you discover the connections between eating and emotions. When I read that book, it made me feel like I wasn't alone for the first time in my life.

Best of luck to you!

Adele

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KRISKECK 12/4/2012 11:16AM

    I think you are so right about using food (and for some of us, drink) as a replacement for love and affection. You asked if anyone had an article on how to love yourself, and I see someone suggested one. I am going to check it out. For me, when I started practicing yoga, it made a huge difference, because the practice of yoga is about love. Loving yourself and loving others. It didn't happen right away and it helped that I had some good teachers who taught not just the physical practice but also the spiritual aspect...I find a lot of calm and peace and love in it. I stray away but I always come back to it....most of my practice is on my own now, I don't take many classes but it brings me to that same place.

And of course, there is a lot of love here. emoticon

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Kristin

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EBURGITE 11/27/2012 1:57PM

    most of this dratted battle is won or lost in our mind...if we can't win it there, we won't win it anywhere. my philosophy is that i MUST treat myself like i'd treat one of my most beloved friends. i'd NEVER demean them, belittle their efforts, chew them out for failings, discourage them, say, "you'll NEVER be anything but fat and ugly." i would speak words of comfort and encouragement, cheer them on, speak the truth in love and walk with them thru a challenging time. my default is to NOT do that, and it takes a LOT of effort, but as i re-train my brain, it gets a little easier each time. if our only internal dialog is destructive, we will need SOMETHING to make us feel better, but if we have a nurturing, gentle habit of self-talk, food may be less necessary.
one other thing to realize....we can't get rid of something effectively unless we REPLACE it with something else. preferably something HEALTHY. for instance....when you've got some time, find some good motivational quotes that speak to your longings, cut and paste them...somehow make them easily accessible for you. when you want to eat because you feel unsettled, pull the quotes out and read thru them, soak them in, tell yourself the truth, and maybe you won't feel like you have to eat something. when you DO eat something, work to make it healthy, and speak to yourself gently.
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TEADYBEAR77 11/26/2012 9:35PM

    Many of us turn to food for comfort when we are going through something. I find I have to replace turning to food for something else. I need to turn a negative into a positive. I have to go for a walk or something. If I don't I end up doing something I'll regret later. I appreciate your blog. We're in this together.

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BLITZEN40 11/26/2012 8:20PM

    For me feeling deprived of food, specifically sugary treats, only happens when I am on a "diet" and have literally been depriving myself of sugary foods for a while in efforts to lose weight. Whenever we restrict ourselves of something we previously found joy in, we want it even more and that feeling of being deprived kicks in. This is why so much has been written about not calling a diet a "diet" but instead calling it a lifestyle change. In my case however, it doesn't matter what title you give it if the end result means a restricted caloric daily intake. Just the idea that I have to restrict calories makes me want them more and therefore feel deprived. More specifically I restrict my calories by cutting out entire food groups (like bakery items) and that makes me want those specific foods even more. So it's not so much that you've actually been deprived of food that makes you feel deprived, it's that you've deprived yourself of taking in all the calories that you think you would like to take in. Or you've deprived yourself of eating unhealthy foods which makes you want them more when you see them. It's that "you always want what you can't have" thing. I've found that distraction works to combat this. Good book, good movie, exercise, planning things and putting them on the calendar to look forward to, keeping a busy schedule, etc. Good luck! emoticon

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BISCO_ 11/26/2012 3:20PM

    Hi Donna - I'm in the same boat.... I've been on a sugar/carb craving kick.. for seems like weeks... but I think for me it's about comfort... It's very comforting - certains kinds of foods... and I guess right now I need to be comforted. I have read the book that Minimoe1 recommends - and it hit home very much - I remember having some anxiety issues just reading it. This issue with this foot hasn't helped anything at all....

Remeber - you've made a LOT of progressive over the last several months.....

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MINIMOE1 11/26/2012 12:52PM

    Recommend a book by Gineen Roth "When Food Means Love" ( maybe not exactly the title but along those lines) She wrote it a few years ago, but the message is still very current. I found it very helpful in getting to the roots of the issues you're dealing with. emoticon emoticon

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BRNGNSEXYBACK 11/26/2012 11:22AM

    You said it, food is always there, and it never let's you down. I've always felt like that myself. It's been just recently that I've decided it has actually always let me down. It may make me feel good for just a moment (while I'm shoveling it in), but then it leaves me feeling miserable, and alone. I don't know about you but I usually don't feel very good afterwards, I'm usually left with a tummy ache, a headache, and feeling tired. This doesn't even include how miserable I feel emotionally, especially if there is a weight gain. I don't like the shape food has left me in, so this is how I'm trying to realize that food is for nutrition and to live, but it's never been a good friend to me.

It's not easy letting go of that relationship, I struggle with it daily, but I assure you it does start to get easier.

I don't know if this article is what you're looking for, but maybe it's a start.
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http://www.abundancetapestr
y.com/how-to-love-yourself-in-1
7-ways/

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LILYDOG11 11/26/2012 7:25AM

    I think filling up on veggies is good as long as you can keep away from the dressings, and butter for flavoring, that is where I go wrong with it !! I think being close with God has helped and being focused on other people or being involved has helped, but of course that doesn't take all of the free time. emoticon emoticon

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CLWALDRO 11/26/2012 4:26AM

    I am sorry that you feel you are in a rut. If you are hungry all the time I would suggest using more veggies and salads with low calories in your eating plan. I have a large salad every day sometime as well as staying active and it has helped. If you feel starved for love then I would suggest you examine your life and see if and when you feel happy. For me that was when i was helping someone else rather than focusing on myself. I decided to get involved more in my church and to read 10 minutes a day in the bible. I find that if i am focused on God and helping others then my life goes better and i do not have the food cravings or feel deprived.
Best wishes on your journey to better health

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MIRFA71 11/26/2012 3:11AM

    Here's lot of love and emoticon to you. We all at Spark people love you and want you to get healthy and fit.
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