I know no body believes in me at all. Plus I am not religious person. I dont go often to the church and I dont have any thing to do with the church. To me, ourselves is the real church of God and their is nothing to do with the building church. But recently, I went to the church because I like to offer some flowers, and prayers. Then one time, I attended the holy mass. When the priest say a good words to the lord below my neck its not really painful but it just some things annoyance feelings but when the priest finish his words my annoyance feelings is gone too. This is why I know why I have this feelings yesterday and today because its a Fiesta in town. How I wish you feel what I feel so that you can believe me. I know its hard to prove it, because their is no science of this feelings. I have had so many experiences in my life when I was sick. I know the feelings of not being believers. I dont mind if no body believes me then. I will try to go to the doctor here too, I will see how it goes. I mentioned to my husband to change my doctor but my husband dont allow me because my doctor knows my history. Plus my husband is my personal Psychiatrist here.
I mentioned to this feelings of annoyance below my neck to my husband one time when the first time I felt it. He brought me to a German families and we had dinner there and they done some things that it helps me a little bit. I dont know what they do but its helps me to decrease my annoyance and I can talk a little bit too. Because when I first feel this I dont want to talk at all.
My husband is well. We are happy together, our third greenhouses are done we grow tomatoes. We live peace here and quite. Right this moment my husband is in town with his friends drinking tea, he will be back home later.
The tablets I am using right now is rispiridone, I am taking 1 mg of it every night. If I feel bad and I act like a child I drink 2 mg. Some times here, I play and I feel inside me very happy, and I like to play with flowers and one time I went to the movie holding with flowers I bought because I like it.
Yesterday what I felt was gone last night and this morning too, but when I open this site again it come back to me this annoyance feelings of me. I have had many experiences before like this, to facebook, yahoo and etc. I think I done some things in this site. I will figure this out again what this mean and why this site is annoyance to my feelings.
I have peace of mind, I can sleep well every day, I did or do exercises every morning. I laugh with friends, and talk to my families daily some times every hours. I am a happy person with families and friends and I worked hard here too. I watch movies from time to time and do some shopping. I do the house hold routine here too, plus the greenhouses. I can say to myself I am a holy person every time I feel this way. One of this day, I will figure this out to myself whats really happened to me. On facebook I figure it out why, and now I am happy on facebook without annoyance feelings. I did figure it out why foreigners in our country called me cockroach. I did figure it out the itches on my body too.
I have a goal for next year for my birthday. I will going to have a party and I have to raise pig for my birthday. This is why started yesterday and today I did not go to town with my husband because I need to save some money. I have to save money because I want to have a party my my own money. Raising pig now a days is expensive but I still do it because I like to have pig for my birthday. I want to loose some more weight too. I want to be sexy like my blue bikini picture because right now my waist line is 27, I did not step the weighing scale here because when I step on my weighing scale my weight goes up. I have a work out every day but my weight goes up. This is why, I dont want to weight myself for a while.
Even though my feelings is not nice on this site but I still do my best to write some blog and tract my work outs here. My feelings now is bearable unlike yesterday, luckily by night time was gone.
Thank you very much for your reading on my blog.