I've discovered something today. I've been pretty strict on what makes up a "good" or "bad" or God honoring day, I've started over three times in the past few months and during thanksgiving because of some surprises and feeling down and out of control... or maybe feeling like I have to have too much control, I realized something it's not when I have a bad day that bothers me (because of overeating, not exercising, or not talking with someone) but when I give up that's really scary!!!
I don't ever want to give up again! It's not that I don't want a bad day, or a not God honoring day, and I don't like those either, but it's when one leads to two, and three, then 7, then months that's so scary!
I really do think it's taken me a while of being on a plateau to realize I can't stop, this is a life long thing. Even when I get off this sugar fast, even when I get to my goal weight I can't ever go back to eating whatever I want, whenever I want. The weight will come right back on. And I know I knew this in my head, but I'm really discovering it in my heart!
I just want to keep moving forward, even if it is two steps forward, one step back. I read a blog yesterday about not being perfect, and it's not even that I'll get closer and closer to perfection where I won't have this problem anymore of wanting to overeat, I might always have it. But it's that I keep moving forward!!!
I don't know exactly what I mean by all this, or what it means for my weight loss in the future, all I know is I realized something today. Weight loss isn't a good enough reason to make good choices. It's not a big enough goal! Because when I do get skinny, and I will, that's it, and it will fade, men might be more attracted to me, that doesn't matter, it all fades. Even the awe of my weight loss will fade, after some time people will stop asking how I lost weight, they'll stop complimenting me, because it will get old. That's just truth.
But honestly, what really matters is that every day I know I'm still saved by Jesus Christ. The goal is Heaven. not to wear a size 8 jeans!!! That's not a good enough reason to live. It's not good enough to want people oohhing and aahhing me!
But what is a good enough reason is when I die, God will meet me at the gates and say, "Good job daughter, welcome home."
Yes I think what I eat and how I exercise is that important to God, because food is my idol, being lazy is a god to me. I know some of you feel the same.
I just want to keep moving forward, growing and growing each day in the security of I don't have control. And that's awesome!!!