Sunday, November 25, 2012
Just got back from spending a week in Orlando. I had every intention of making healthier choices and working out while I was gone. That definitely did NOT happen and I really wish I had done better. I am back on track today, ate really well and worked out and feel like I can easily get back into the swing of things. However, I'm afraid to weigh myself and figure I will stay away from the scale for a week or so while I settle back into my healthy routines once again.
I spent four days at Disney World and one day at Universal Studios and had a great time. I went away with my best friend and was hoping the trip would turn out to be fabulous. It really was a lot of fun, we had some great times - something happened on our very last day though that I can't help but feel kind of ruined things. My best friend, at her best, is a wonderful person. She is fun and outgoing and has this boundless energy, plus she is hilarious. On the other hand, when she is NOT at her best she can be a little difficult to be around. I was frustrated with her on one particular day (when you spend 7 consecutive days together it is bound to happen) and texted a guy I have been seeing about my frustrations. I was explaining to him that my best friend is a lot of fun, but that she is hard to be with 24-7 because she can be self-absorbed and vain. Turns out my best friend somehow saw that message I sent (I still have no idea how this happened), and she got so upset over it.
I understand how what I said hurt her and I feel awful about it. I shouldn't have said those things, especially to someone who I really don't know all that well. The situation was made even worse by the fact that my best friend didn't tell me what was wrong. I noticed on Friday that she wasn't acting like herself, she was really quiet and wouldn't look me in the eye. I asked her twice what was wrong and she didn't tell me, just responded that she wasn't feeling well. We spent 15 hours (!!!) in the car together in complete silence because she wouldn't talk to me. After we got back home we unpacked the car, and as I left her apartment I told her I hoped she felt better and that I would see her later. I was about to get in my car and drive home when my friend came out of the house and told me what happened - she saw that text message and couldn't believe I would say that about her and she was really hurt by it. I apologized and tried to make amends but she wouldn't have it, she still refused to look me in the eye and kept saying over and over again how she couldn't believe I called her self-absorbed and vain. After about 10 minutes of this she said she was cold and wanted to go back inside, and I let her go. I didn't know what else to do.
I still don't know what to do! I'm not sure if this completely ruins things for us or what. We've been best friends for a long, long time and have only had one other "blow-out" fight which happened about 2 years ago. We went six months without speaking to each other and eventually reconciled. I do take responsibility for my actions here and I regret saying those things about her, but if I am completely honest... I do sometimes feel like her actions can be self-absorbed and shallow. There were several times throughout our trip where she was outright rude to complete strangers, where she was inconsiderate towards me - and it really bothered me. Maybe I should have confronted her about it, but I don't know how that would turn out either. She has a tendency to be very dramatic and I feel like she is always the "victim" in these situations - she never does wrong, someone else has always wronged her. I hate to say this but all the drama is just getting really, really old and I'm tired of it.
Should a friendship be this hard? I know that things are not always easy with the people who you love and who are closest to you, but I sometimes feel like it is a struggle to keep things good between us. For now I am just giving her space as well as trying to get some space of my own. I need some time to think about what this means and what will happen next for us. I know we will need to sit down and talk about it sometime soon, but right now I'm really not ready for that.
Aside from this major issue, everything else is pretty much okay. I'm getting a cold, woke up today with a sore throat and I've been sniffly/sneezy/feeling run down, so I need some time to recuperate. I still managed to get my work out in, and it was TOUGH, especially after 10 days of no workouts! I finished Jillian Michaels' Body Revolution before I left (whoo-hoo!) so I'm trying to figure out what to do next. BR turned out to produce fabulous results, I lost roughly 26 lbs. over the course of 10-11 weeks. I'm working on Ripped in 30 and will go through the entire system in about a month. I'm moving out of my house in about three weeks, don't even want to think about all the work that will come along with that! Still been trying to date around, there are a couple of guys I have been seeing off and on but I'm starting to feel like there is nothing really special there or no potential for anything more serious to develop. That's alright though, it's been nice getting to meet new people and go out and have fun. I have a date with someone new coming up this week that I'm pretty excited about, he seems like a great guy so we'll see what happens there!
That's all for now - back to the daily grind. Praying that I wake up tomorrow feeling better rather than worse. A good night's sleep is definitely in order!