Sunday, November 25, 2012
I left last Thursday to go home to visit my stepdad with anticipation - looking forward to spending time with him and a couple of my brothers. We got there Thursday afternoon and took my stepdad out to eat at the cafeteria and had a nice evening visiting with him. Two of my brothers came over on Friday afternoon afternoon and helped me put up the Christmas tree - because my stepdad had told us that he wanted to have Christmas Eve at the house just like we always have. This will be the first Christmas without Mama and I think we've all wanted some kind of 'normalcy'...
When we were home last time (in October) my stepdad told me that he has put the house on the market (there's a sign out front now) and that he wanted me to get all Mama's craft stuff and the 'doll collection' - porcelain dolls that Mama made years ago - out of the house. So after everyone left Friday afternoon, my husband and I started packing stuff up. After we got everything packed and loaded, my stepdad blew up and cursed me out for taking stuff out of the house without his permission and said he 'still has to live there and needs that stuff'. So after a huge argument, we unpaced everything and left a day early. He made accusations that I had no idea he even thought about me and my husband and I'm so hurt now. I don't even know if I'm going home for Christmas now. I talked to my middle brother about it and he said that my stepdad is mourning - which I know is true - but we all are. I just wish he had told me before I started getting stuff that he only wanted me to take SOME of it and not all of it! He accused me of taking it all so I can sell it (my husband and I buy and sell at auctions). No matter how I tried to convince him that that wasn't true, he wouldn't hear it.
I've never been one to be very expressive - especially with negative emotions...I'm sure that has attributed to my weight problem...and I'm having such a hard time with this! I've had a feeling for a long time that my family wasn't all that 'fond' of my husband, but according to my stepdad - he really has never been able to stand him and it breaks my heart because my husband thinks the world of my family. I truly don't know what to do about this situation. I've thought about going Christmas Eve by myself and spending the night with my brother - it's a 5 hour drive down there and it's too much to drive down and back in the same day. I know my husband won't want me making that trip alone - even though I used to do it all the time before we were together. But I also don't want him to go and have to be around people who apparently have never liked him at all!!! Today I feel like saying I'm not going and just cutting all ties with my family for a while. If I go I know they'll all talk about me when I leave so I'm thinking that I might as well not go and then they won't have to wait for me to leave to talk. I know I sound really bitter right now and I am - my heart is just broken and I just needed to vent! This has been the worst Thanksgiving ever...and I'm dreading Christmas now - which has always been my favorite holiday!!!
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent!