Mindfulness comes from awareness
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Well the leftovers (except from the 21 lb turkey) are gone along with the desserts. I am thankful for that. Going to try my best to freeze the remaining broccoli soup (it really should be called cheese soup) today if I don't give it away. The scale is up 5 lbs (up 2 overnight). What really surprises me is how quickly things can change. Just recently foods I use to eat didn't taste so good. But after prolonged sampling while I was cooking, along with sampling while putting away leftovers, some of those foods began to taste real good - to the point of calling me from the refrigerator. Next I was eating foods that didn't even taste that good - that I would have easily passed up before - but right back to the thinking that they are food, eat them. I am glad (kind of) that I have learned how fast the thinking and patterns can return that kept me yoyoing my entire life. It provides an opportunity to decide on what I am going to do differently because yoyoing is no longer an option for my life.
First of all, back to tracking. I left town earlier in Nov. and did extremely well with eating healthy. Since the internet was intermittent and I knew I was doing well, did not track (also forgot the scale). I did do well, but once I got home I continued to not track (continuing to eat well). I did not think about the benefits of tracking to see what is happening and as an accountabilty tool - one that I still need.
Interesting phenomena this morning - I "forgot" to weigh myself. I did catch it, did weigh, and found out I was up 2 lbs. It is interesting that the last time I did not weigh myself (if I had access to scale) was when I was climbing to my highest weight. In the past, when gaining, I only weighed myself intermittently. I will be weighing daily again, no matter what.
Also it is time to start thinking about something I have been avoiding. What was my thinking process with yoyoing and how much of it still exists? When I hit my goal weight (which I was not sure was sustainable or healthy or reasonable but made because I wanted to achieve that goal), I quickly added a few lbs back on. I was undereating and there was an adjustment period so contributed it to that. I then lost to 1 lb under goal (struggling sometimes to eat enough) and now have gained 5 lbs back. Yes, I do know that is not all fat - and I also am trying to learn about my body - but I also know this looks a lot like my past. One of the main motivations I had to lose weight was remembering a time when weight was not an issue - I was at a healthy weight, I didn't think much about it (nor how I looked in the mirror), and I was busy with life not body issues.
Which leads me to one of my main goals - to get strong again to ride a dirt bike. Perhaps if I keep myself struggling with the food issues, I can stay distracted from what I am, and am not doing about this goal. Something to think about...
No, not more to think about. Time to be mindful of what might be happening and time to push on doing what is needed to get to where I want to be.